Juggling the schedules of two little human beings, tending to the needs of one amazing pit bull, dedicating hours each day to work and trying to find slivers of time to delve into my creative ventures, all while bouncing along with the highs and lows of being a family with a freelancing breadwinner, can feel a bit maddening at times. The past few days have pretty hectic. Although I had planned to leave the restaurant world and to stay at home with the little ones after giving birth to Lucien, an unexpected job offer spearheading a new venture as the head of a department came out of nowhere, which turned into a few hours of work from home each week, which grew into kind of a big deal. So Gaby and I began juggling our work schedules, taking turns with the kids, and generally leading somewhat of a hectic freelance life, all in the name of making it work. This weekend I'll be in New Jersey for a job, and Gaby will be home with the family alone. I've been buzzing around in preparation these past few days, emailing late into the night, dashing off to meetings in the morning, drafting invoices while nursing, and trying desperately to pump enough milk for Lucien for while I'm away. Yesterday I looked up and realized that it was four in the morning, I was still working, I hadn't yet brushed my teeth, the laundry was still in the dryer from the afternoon, and the kids would be up in a few hours. It's been kind of crazy around these parts.
But just when it all starts to feel a little too crazy, my baby looks me in the eyes and smiles. It began a few days ago, just as the pre-weekend madness started to set in, like he knows that his Mama needs the comfort of her son's charming ways. At first I couldn't believe it; he just seemed so small (and Biet didn't smile at us until she was months and months old), but it's true. These grins are here to stay. Every time I start to feel overwhelmed, I look him in the eyes and tell him how amazing he is, and he shoots back the biggest sloppiest smile a Mama ever did see. And every time it gives me a renewed strength to keep on keepin' on, no matter how hard it may seem, for my family, myself, and my happy baby boy.
