Recently, I overheard an exchange taking place between my partner Jon & our son Tyne - an exchange that I imagine must occur in many households when us pesky snap-happy parents dare to want our beloved offspring to stand still for two seconds and smile happily for a photograph.
In Toddler-Land - this is a BIG ask - how dare we expect them to take less than 20 seconds out of their busy Peppa Pig watching, Toy breaking, book tearing schedule to allow us to capture a precious memory of them?! The nerve we have!
Overhearing this exchange made me giggle uncontrollably from the safety of the bathroom, and - of course - made me want to put together a little post warning you all of the perils that await you should you make the same mistake.
So without further ado, here are the 5 B's Of Photographing Your Children....
1. Bravery
For even attempting this task in the first place.
In your pursuit of the elusive "Perfect Photograph" demonstrating the beauty of your child you are willing to risk life & limb (or at least risk your sanity...) by taking on the dreaded Threenager whose mission in life is now to do everything in his or her power to DESTROY YOU...and your camera!
2. Bickering
"Come on Tyne, I'm not having this...You ARE going to stand still for just one photo..."
"NO!"
"For goodness sake Tyne, all you need to do is smile"
"NOOOO!"
"You've just been sitting smiling away until I got the camera out, why have you started being silly now?!"
"Naughty Daddy!"
"Why do you want to make Daddy sad?"
"Poo Poo!"
3. Bribery
"If you let me take just ONE nice photo, I'll get you a treat...." Daddy promised...
"What treat?" The toddler asks....giving that glimmer of hope to Daddy that perhaps the bribe will be a success
"A nice treat!" stutters Daddy, clutching at straws..."Something...errr...something you'll like"
Oh no...he stumbled over his words...The Toddler is onto you. He knows its all a smoke screen.
"I want it now!" The Toddler demands
"Err...No...Photo first and then treat...." tries Daddy....
"NO! WANT IT NOW! WANT TREAT NOOOOOW!" - he knows you've got nothing old man...NOTHING!
4. Begging
"Please Tyne....PLEASE just smile nicely for one Photo....I just want one nice photo...."
Oh dear...it's all getting a bit desperate now....
5. Breakdown
There's only one way this is all going to end - and that's with lots of tears -
Yours...most likely.
But all wasn't lost...
He ended up with one nice photo....
Toys...solve...EVERYTHING!
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