Soooo....this place has banana spiders.
Do y'all know what a banana spider is? I won't include a picture because I'm nice (and also too much of a pussy to google that shit), but I will give you a brief summary:
They are huge.
They are nasty.
They have really long, stripey legs.
They are ugly as fuck.
They will eat your childhood and your dreams and your ability to love.
The terror I felt upon hearing this was comparable to what you might feel upon hearing that a swarm of killer bees was living in your closet, and had a grudge against you for shoving your old high school trombone onto their nest, and was planning to attack you in your sleep one night. Except worse, because BEES AREN'T SPIDERS.
Seriously. Try and tell me one isn't more deeply, hauntingly horrifying than the other.
Also, my roommate called me a "whoreasaurus rex" yesterday. Probably he doesn't remember it. I found it hilarious, and I'm pretty sure he was actually just happy I was laid back about sex, but I might fuck with him a little and pretend to be offended. I haven't decided yet.