Hi folks! Today I am very proud to welcome to The 7 Things; The Mercenary Researcher! She’s here to talk about two things I’ve experienced first hand. Wrapping my skinny little frame up in a thousand layers of clothing in winter, and inadvertently frightening women (PRO TIP: If it’s late at night, on a desolate street, don’t walk too close behind a young woman, she may just start running…)
Take it away!
When I met my husband in 1989, he was 23 and thin as a rail. I mean Iggy-Pop thin (but not a junkie). I mean size-29-waist-stove-pipe-jeans-with-back-pockets-the-size-of-a-post-it note-thin.
I couldn’t even fit my ankle in the leg of his pants. I am pretty sure his thighs and calves were the same circumference. Obviously he was lacking any body fat, thus he was cold a lot.
We met in January so I got to experience his layering early on – in all its bizarro glory. I will describe, for your edification, just what he would don on a ‘chilly’ day in Tucson, Arizona. I am not making this up…
- Layer 1: Thermal underwear (top & bottom)
- Layer 2: Those very small jeans & a long sleeved tee-shirt
- Layer 3: Short-sleeved tee-shirt
- Layer 4: Cable knit fisherman’s sweater
- Layer 5: Flannel (yes, OVER his sweater)
- Layer 6: Leather Jacket
- Layer 7: (Optional – depending on if it’s raining) Trench coat
- Couple pairs of socks
- Doc Martin Boots
- Scarf
- Knit cap
- Gloves
Amazingly he could put his arms down by his sides and bend them at the elbow. And he still looked like he was malnourished.
This is what I’d wear –
- Thermal bottoms
- Hippie skirt
- Short sleeved tee-shirt
- Leather jacket with the lining REMOVED because it made me feel like I was suffocating
- Socks
- Doc Martin boots
This is what I felt like with ‘all those clothes on:
I was stunned that anyone could wear so many layers and not feel like Randy in a snowsuit from A Christmas Story. My husband also has wild curly hair – we call him “medusa head” because it grows out not down. He also can grow a beard in 20 minutes; and during the winter he is not inclined to shave very often. Well basically, he can appear a little alarming.
So one year, around Christmas, we made our annual visit to the maul (sic) to buy presents {thank god for the internet, now we never even have to go near a maul}. Typically, we’d go after work and get dinner. So we’re parking the car and he’s all ‘bundled’ up – because you might get hypothermia walking from the parking lot to the over-heated maul facility. We notice a huge boat-car driving down the aisle with a flat tire. The person parks the car and gets out – she’s a she, wearing waitress black and whites – obviously getting ready to start her evening shift at The Red Robin. We both want to warn her that she has a flat tire so that she doesn’t have a 10PM surprise. My husband, totally oblivious to how alarming he appears, starts to shout, “Hey! Hey!” at the young woman.
Well, she takes one look at him, her eyes go wide and she reaches into her car to grab a self-defense-umbrella. I start shouting “Scott! Scott! Stop! You’re scaring her!!” I turn to her and yell “Don’t be scared – you have a flat tire! You have a flat tire!” She finally looks at me and then at the tire and puts down the umbrella. Scott has stopped in his tracks and I could see he was distressed that someone that he was trying to help was completely scared out of her wits (and rightly so). He backed up and I went closer to the woman and told her we were sorry we scared her but we didn’t want her stranded at night in a dangerous place with a flat tire. She thanked us but quickly walked to the restaurant.
I felt really bad for my husband – he would never hurt a fly, but given his outward winter appearance and that he’s a guy, he’s scary. The whole incident left us feeling kind of out-of-sorts and we decided to just go home. It didn’t make him change his fashion attire – but it made him think about how vulnerable women feel in certain situations.
And that’s my story.
And a fine story it is lol 
Thanks again Mrs Merc, and thank YOU dear reader! Go ahead and check out some other awesome posts over on The Mercenary Researcher 
Toodles!
Rohan.
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