I have been on my fair share of dates in my time, with some extremely odd people. I have never quite understood the etiquette of dating, although I have tried my hardest, and unfortunately, it is clear that the men that I have been out with haven't either. I've recently started texting a boy who uses far too much punctuation. I have such a love of English that this has really bothered me, and I have even considered stopping the communication between us both. I met him at work when he came in to cover for our regular pharmacist, and he is absolutely lovely, which is why I have persevered. He will regularly send me a message saying 'Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'. Does a three letter word need sixteen exclamation marks? I didn't think so. I have been ridiculed for being a 'Grammar Nazi' so I have decided, this time, to give him the benefit of the doubt and continue speaking to him, but it's made me reflect on previous dates, where just the though of them makes me cringe.
This time last year, I went on a date with a boy I had met on a night out. (Which I will never do again, ever.) It went really well, we had a lot in common - he was beautiful, I was beautiful - and he played rugby so he had a man's figure. He made me laugh and it may even have been a perfect date. That is, until he drove me home. When I say he drove me home, I mean he took a twenty minute detour in to a back lane, parked up and locked the doors. My phone then died. I have never been so terrified in my life, and then he pulled his trousers down and started saying 'If you liked me, you would do this'. Erm, no. I opened my door and started to walk (although I had no idea where I was) until he pulled up next to me - with his trousers done up - and said he would take me home. After what felt like a hundred hours, we got to my house. and he asked to come in for a coffee! I think it is safe to say I told him exactly where he go, and there was never a second date. Looking back, I find this whole situation hilarious but I can honestly say I will never be accepting a lift off a first date, ever again.
Around the same time, I also went on a date with a ginger boy who looked a bit like Ed Sheeran. Again, I was lulled into a false sense of security, and there I was thinking everything was going well, until his nose started running. Now, a normal person would excuse themself to go the toilet but not he. The first time it hapened, he wiped it on his sleeve but it quickly started running again. And running. And running. It is not an exageration to say it was from his nose to the floor. As someone with a very weak stomach, I had to excuse myself to the toilet to gag, and then quickly made my excuses and left. There was no second date for Ed Sheeran look-a-like, either!
It's not only the men who have made mistakes during my dates, I have been up there with the best of them. I went on a date with one of the most beautiful guys in the world, and I was so nervous I drank a glass of wine. and then another one. and then another one. I didn't even drink them- I glugged them back as if it was water, and they weren't small glasses either. (He bought us bottles of wine, not glasses - what a catch!) Well, I could no longer stand, let alone see straight, much to his amusement. Unfortunately after losing all of my morals, I woke up wearing his sisters onesie, sporting horrendous breath and he had kindly slept on his living room sofa, what a gentleman. Thankfully. he didn't judge me for this, and there were many dates to come after this. What did I learn? Just say no. No to a large glass of wine. No to a second glass of wine. No to a second bottle. And definitely no to a sleepover.Another date where I was the one who ruined everything up was when I went on a date with another pharmacist from work, although a different work and a different pharmacist to the guy I first discussed. I had just spilt up with my boyfriend of 18 months, and I was absolutely distraught. It was definitely not the right time yet I still agreed. He was almost 29 and I was 19, so there was a fair age gap to start with, but I thought it would be good for me to get out and stop feeling sorry for myself. That was my first mistake. He took me to the bar at his university, which he had left five years ago. It began to dawn on me I wanted to be anywhere else but there. Everyone was my age and it was embarrassing. The music was loud and we couldn't talk. I wanted to go home. He then decided we should walk into the town center and go to a pub, which I began to enjoy. I then made the same mistake; wine. I had a glass of wine. and another. and another. We went to a few different pubs and he thought it would be a good idea for me to have a drink at each one. It wasn't. Would you like to know what I did? I cried. I started discussing my ex-boyfriend and I sobbed, like a baby. How embarrassing. He was good enough to then take me home (I already knew him from work so I didn't need to worry about him doing anything). In my drunken state I stumbled into bed and awoke to a text message the next morning. 'I wanted to snog your face off teenage styley'. He was 29 and used the word snogged. And styley. I'm sure you can guess that, once again, the date never progressed to a second.
So there you have it. I have been on more than my fair share of bad dates so all I can think is that the person I'm messaging with the love for punctuation? - that's nothing. It can't be anywhere near as bad as any of these dates, I will even drive so I can't drink. What can go wrong?!
Do you have any bad dating experiences? I would absolutely love to hear them!
I would also like to state that despite going on many dates, I am not a trollop and did not so much as peck any of these males on the cheek. Thank you!
