Self Expression Magazine

The Dating Underbelly for the Emotional Snowballer

Posted on the 04 July 2018 by Lucyvictoria
This may just be one of my most emotionally charged posts to date. It's late again, yes...I know, I know, but to be honest with you, where's this year flying off to!? I mean, it's July, excuse me? Sloowww down, life. Haha.
Ahem, tangents Lucy, tangents. Where was I...okay, so, by definition, I can be a bit of a chameleon by persona. I reckon we all are, to suit different occasions. Anyway, after a recent date I had back in May, I thought 'Oh, I may have a game changer here, we actually seem to suit each other!'.
      So anyway, we get to another date and I figured, I'm gonna wear my heart on my sleeve, show a lot more of the "real me", see where it gets me. Well boy could I be more wrong!! Soon after, he bolted. I determined that I was too much, put too much emotion into it. Or maybe my personality is crap HA. (No big up but it's not.) But here's the thing.. I'm 30 years of age. I entered back into the world of single, dating life at a time when society was getting a bit grim. We've got this era of Instagram, comparisons, too much choice, self-obsession..that people just think that there's always something better around the corner; they may be happy but think they can be happier, you know?      
     When will people learn that often, the grass isn't always greener?!
I've come to terms with being single, but when I date, it's actually then that I realize I dislike being 'alone'- for the record, I'm not alone, I have my family and friends but you catch my drift.. Dating is hard these days. You've got no idea what anyone truly wants and that surely must be because no-one is putting any emotion into it and that's so bloody annoying. As a person who know's what they want in a significant person, I don't mind making my feelings clear through action; I have no time to waste, people! When it's reciprocated, you figure you're both on the same page, but when they then disappear, you reallly start questioning not only yourself, but life too. {I am referring to the above fella yes, the pr*ck.}
The dating underbelly for the emotional snowballer
I'm sure that to many I probably don't appear that emotional & it's true, often I can hide those feelings or thoughts we bottle up from onlookers, but whilst I can appear clear-headed, in the last few years I have also done some soul-searching.. A lot has gone on that has made me self-analyse. Do you find that once you get to your late twenties, you're much more reflective? As much as I like to think that I don't take things personally, I can tend to, especially when I care about something [although, maybe sometimes I care about the idea of something more]. That's a passionate nature though, thus, I can criticize my own persona but at the end of the day, we are our own identity, right? No excuses.
Don't apologize for being a person who's not afraid to show others their feelings, whether that be through action or vocally. There's nothing wrong with being a sensitive soul, but it is important to learn how to control the feelings, so they don't overwhelm you...or potentially, others.
       Take the above dating fiasco. I let my guard down, maybe too soon. Who knows. I was honest, I liked him but who's to say the other person truly is. You take the cues from others but then they change their mind. Perhaps that is just their prerogative ? What I'm saying is, be careful with baring all, but don't feel bad for being true to yourself.
The world is an overstimulated place, and I honestly think that one thing that can ground you and place you in the present moment is making solid connections. For a while now, for me, it's been in the hope of finding a partner I guess. It gets me thinking that maybe a lot of people have an overpowering chatter in their mind or a barrage of emotions which makes them overanalyse dating and the technicalities or "correct etiquette" that it brings...
Expressing yourself has many cognitive, emotional and social benefits and can lead to a more connected, fulfilled life with others, however, when in the company of people who may have a hidden agenda (whether they appear to be on the same page as you or not), it would be best to exercise caution - Something I need to follow myself as clearly, people take more advantage than I originally thought! Take your time when getting to know them–don’t give them too much of yourself too fast
Are you a sensitive person; a sharer; a slave to your emotions ? Here are some tips that can help to control or counteract said emotions: -
Give yourself a break: Those who are empaths/emotional people yearn for the closeness of deep, personal relationships & intimacy but as you may know, that can make dating tricky. You're probably intuitive and likely to pick up on subtle clues that most people won’t see. You may delve into something quickly, letting your feelings run wild. We struggle to let things go and crave downtime. We feel deeply.. but you know what, if a person you're considering dating is making you feel anxious about any of this, don't let them. Uniqueness should be accepted!
Self care: Making space for spiritual connection is a huge part of daily routine for the empath. So much energy is used that you need to make room for silence... Whether that be through meditation, exercise, walking in nature etc. Continue being open and honest and talk about any struggles without hesitation or fear. If you're having a bad day, week or month, don't feel ashamed or guilty..tell someone, but also understand that often, giving yourself quiet time to recharge is key.
Breathe, recite and laugh: Life is a constant wax & wane of good and bad days. If, like me, you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the latter, we're not alone. Sensitive people feel the tidal waves of many emotion, thus, slowing down is really important when you feel triggered.
For ex. Focus on consciously exhaling out tension [take 5 mins every hour to close your eyes & take your mind to a happy, calm space].
I'd also suggest tons of self-compassion. I bet you're an excellent chameleon but I also bet you're also self critical? Mantras are great to keep a daily focus of desire in mind: simply reciting "this too shall pass| I am worthy & strong| if I accomplish one thing, that is still progress." is helpful.
I also find that listening to happy music is one of the best cures to stop emotional snowballing. My go-to is usually some Deep house Ibiza mixes. They lift my mood instantly. Another is watching comedic films, or films that make me ponder: It's good to have a list of some so you can watch straight away. I watched It's Kind of a Funny Story the other week when I felt negative; definitely recommend.
Any other singletons go through this emotional pressure cooker? Or does anyone in general feel your emotional nature is beneficial or negative to your mental health ? Share your tips!

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