32 weeks pregnant today, and I’m celebrating by packing my ‘go’ bag.
Contents include:
-5 hypoallergenic, organic pillows, custom-made for my head.
-1500-thread count sheets (made from organic cotton, of course).
-a small crock pot to hold the organic olive oil for my perineal massage.
-a personalized handmade hospital gown custom made specifically for me and my delivery.
-a militant, defiant doula (only the best will do).
-my birthing ball.
-a Boppy pillow.
-my own personal lactation consultant.
-a flip chart to monitor my own labor progress and use to contradict my doctor at every turn.
-my attorney.
-10 copies of my extensive birth plan.
-aromatherapy candles.
-a shaman to ward off evil spirits.
-a CD of specific labor mantras.
-my own personal chef and hand-picked recipes.
-and a partridge in a goddamn pear tree. (cage-free, of course)
