The Good & The Bad Days

Yesterday should have perhaps felt somewhat easier, Ethan had been out all day with his grandparents at an airshow. Adam was at work, so it was just Logan and I. Logan's been going through a clingy stage recently, he's been a bit poorly so clearly that hasn't helped. But I think it's been a bit of a combination between being a little poorly and also hitting a bit of a clingy stage in general. The nights have been harder recently too. A usually sleep-loving Logan, hasn't wanted to sleep alone in his own room. We've struggled to get him to go down and even when we have he's been coming in with us a while later, waking up screaming until he finds himself in our bed. Yesterday was one of 'those' days. The sort that as a parent you wish you could just go to bed, reset and totally forget about. It was a day of me not being able to walk out of the room without there being tears and screams, a day of food and toys being chucked by my little mister in frustration and a day of very little Mummy-down time, even when it came to toilet trips.
It was also  day of feeling rather drained and also feeling like I had no one to talk to, which is why I suppose I'm sitting here writing this.
After a tough old morning, I decided by the afternoon that we both needed some fresh air - I felt like I was climbing the walls a bit and a change of scenery would do us both good. We go to the park a lot as it's so close and so is a good way of getting a bit of fresh air and clearing our heads. Going so often can become a little boring, I want to visit other places when I'm on my own, but I sometimes find it such a challenge to just pop out with a baby and work it around his lunch/dinner routine. It's not as easy as popping out with a 3 year old that's for sure. I tried my best to not let how I was feeling show as I entered the park and saw a group of women sat at one of the benches. I'd hoped the park would be empty like it usually is and that I would just be able to get our blanket out, sit on the grass and just breathe in some fresh air. It's strange when I think about it now, now that I'm in a totally different, far more relaxed mood and Logan is too. But I felt a bit silly in front of the women, I was already feeling a little lonely and seeing them sitting there together watching their kids play whilst they laughed with each other, made me feel a little bit worse. At that moment, I wished I was at the park with a friend, laughing about the sometimes hard days of Mummyhood.
I did my best to make the most of our time at the park and push the 'I want to hide under my duvet today' thoughts out of my head. But I felt a bit like a flop and I felt like everytime one of the other Mums glanced over at me that they could somehow see how I was feeling, though I know that's of course not true. We ended up heading home after a short while just as the gray weather turned to rain and it was then that I decided to just accept that it was indeed one of 'those' days, the sort that slot in between the different sort of days you have when you're a parent. 
I decided against the veggies we usually have on a Sunday and I ended up making a quick dinner for Logan, who decided he didn't want to eat anyway. And then I text Adam telling him that we were having Dominos Pizza for dinner. When he walked through the door, he found me frazzled-looking holding a crying Logan. He took him from me and very kindly let me enjoy eating my large pizza whilst watching an episode of Pretty Little Liars - something I tend to put on when I need a little escape time. I was going to catch up on some blogging that evening, but instead I decided that after a tough day, I'd cut myself some slack and just get an early night. 
As a parent you never know what sort of day you're going to have. It could be the most magical day or the most ordinary or one that pushes you to the edge, everyday is different. I think when you're a parent you know that some days are better than others. Things don't get easier just because you've done it all before with another child. I think for me, I've just learnt to accept the tougher days more. I think I've learnt when it's time to pull out the chocolate, or the wine (or the pizza) and when to cancel any plans for the day and just accept that tomorrow will be a better day. 
And you know what.. I woke up today with a 'new day' head on. Logan and I played and laughed together and both felt so much more happier and relaxed. It's amazing what a bit of sleep and a new day can do!
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