The trauma of studying for the Higher Secondary exam was so much
that even today on nights when I am much stressed, my sleep is often tormented
by a recurring dream: my Higher Secondary exam starts tomorrow and I have
discovered today, just today, that I don’t know anything about the Chemistry
Second Paper. A hysterical panic sets in and I feel a pressure in my heart, as
if someone is clenching it. Even though the next thing I know is the relief of waking
from a bad dream the panicky pulse just refuses to leave!
And this happens to me even now when it has been almost a decade
since I crossed the threshold of school with the dreadful Higher Secondary
Examination.
♠
It started right after I had written the last sentence of my secondary
exam. I studied hard for two years (though 4 years later my brother wouldn’t agree
seeing the newness of my text books), made the lives of people around me hell and
now I had just finished writing the first big exam of my life. But none of it
mattered. I didn’t yet deserve a vacation. Now it was the time to go through
another round of tests. Tests devised by renowned private tutors. Tests I
needed to fare very well in order to be accepted in their classes. Because,
everyone knows that, if you can’t get into their coaching classes you won’t have
the advantage of great notes which will miraculously sail you through the next
big hurdle two years later. Due to heavy rush of applicants some private tutors
are even forced to start accepting applications right after the Test exam which
takes place three months before the final secondary exam.
So after I had taken these tests (usually tougher than the board
papers), I waited for the board results to come out. Because these private
tutors would decide if they are going to take me in their class based on my
combined performance in the board exam and their own tests. While some tutors
had flexibility and divided the flock of students into three groups: brilliant,
good and mediocre, some others went with only the brilliant group.
The strategy worked well for them. Brilliant students equal to
brilliant result in the Higher Secondary Finals equal to good reputation equal
to more brilliant students equal to more money.
♠
Life that followed was nothing short of a hell. Our textbooks were
2000 pages at least a paper. Each subjects had two such papers. And reading
only the textbooks weren’t enough; we had other “reference” books to read as
well. Each of us brought back huge assignments to home. Some of us even had two
tutors per subject. On top of everything we had schools to attend too. All six
days a week! Otherwise we were denied access to the practical lessons. So while
some of us attended morning coaching in school uniforms others attended them in
the evening after school. We were becoming the future of our country and we had
to know everything, every damn thing, in two years.As I staggered through my life, probably the only positive thing was the way we were treated at home. Everyone was at my service. Each of my meals was meticulously planned, so that I could maintain maximum energy level even through acute sleep deprivation. Each of my whimsical wishes was fulfilled with utmost sincerity. It was as though I was preparing for some great war with little chances of coming back whole. Some of us even carried two three types of meals in their huge backpacks as they didn’t have time to stop by at home while they hopped one coaching from another. I saw through and survived everything: When we were in std. XI, one of our school’s XII students committed suicide. She left a note saying, she was going to fail Physics and she could not bear the trauma of knowing it. One of my classmates who lived just a block away from my home failed to be promoted to std. XII. I had witnessed her trauma the whole year when she struggled through the Himalayan course and now I saw her agony when she slowly detached herself from all of us. I experienced the numerous conspiracies when one distraught student in pointless frustration tried to bring down another. And I experienced old friendships crumble under the towering burden of expectations from everyone that mattered: ourselves, our parents, our teachers, our tutors, our relatives and even neighbours. ♠
Then came the dreaded time when all we had read and learnt in the
past two years were about to be tested. Yes. It was the final Higher Secondary
Exam.
All parents waited anxiously outside the exam halls with green
coconut water, glucose water, fruits, sweets and what not. We would come out
exhausted after gruelling 3 hours of 1st paper test, refresh
ourselves as much as we could; some of us would frantically go through the
second paper notes and then enter the hall again for another 3 hours of
torture.
Near the exam halls, ambulances were kept ready as it was not
uncommon for a student to fall sick from all the pressure.
♠
But I survived that as well. The last hurdle before I was officially
an adult. And finally I slept, first time in two years I slept for as long I really
wanted. When people prayed for their results; I thanked God for helping me get
done with it while I was still whole.
Now when people ask me: Don’t you want to get a chance to relive
your school days?
I say to them: Sure. If you make sure there won’t be any HS waiting for me. Love,
© copyright 2012 – All rights reserved
Riot of Random
