Can you believe that at this very moment (stop yawning), the curiosity rover on Mars is taking a joy ride- muscling over cliffs and zapping rocks with its deadly laser beam? And all its activity is remote controlled by some seriously messed up geeks at NASA? Ridiculous! The Mars rover has hence been aptly named ‘Curiosity’. It epitomizes Mankind’s unquenchable thirst to know about the universe we live in.One must congratulate NASA for its spirit and grit among the many obstacles it has faced over the years to pursue its search for answers.
And here we are sitting in India- curious only to know where the next big scam is going to come from- the ruling party or the opposition? Imagine what it would be like if a Martian expedition is sponsored by a fictional Indian government that displays all the negative aspects like Corruption, pseudo secularism and non performance?
Read on:
Disclaimer: All characters and Governments mentioned in this post are fictional. It merely represents the angst of certain people (including me) about today’s sorry state of affairs in this country.
Mars Rover Landing
The landing of the Mars Rover ‘Indian Curiosity’ has been delayed. Rumor has it that Scientist’s were ordered by the concerned officials to wait for the commencement of auspicious time to land. Scientists are worried that there may not be enough fuel for the probe to keep circling mars until the auspicious time arrives.
‘Due to the recent hike in petrol prices, we couldn’t fill extra petrol within the given budget’ confessed a highly placed source.
Day 1
The Mars rover, named ‘Brijmohan Natwarlal‘ (named after the great grandfather of the Ruling Party leader) successfully landed a few hours back. It will now break a cryogenically frozen coconut for invoking the blessing of the Gods. Keeping in mind the secular beliefs of India, the Rover will then continue to offer prayers to Allah by kneeling down in the direction of Mecca and then playing an audio recording of Halleluiah chants for five minutes.
Day 4
A very critical day for the mission today as Natwarlal’s sophisticated robotic arms will perform a high precision job to install a stone plaque that congratulates the party leader , their sons, daughters, parents and grandparents for the successful Indian expedition to Mars.
Day 7
Today is Gandhi Jayanthi. So Government Holiday(even on Mars)
Day 12
The Mars expedition ran into its first major crisis as the Rover’s back Tyre burst due to a puncture. Investigations reveals that a company owned by a powerful politician (which can never be proved in a court of law) was unfairly given the contract to supply the Rovers sub standard wheels. The government has assured the public that the chances of convicting the guilty are as high as the chances of the Rover returning safely on its own to Earth.
Day 15, 16, 17 and 18
Anti Mars Expedition Protests- Holidays
Reason for Protest- Demanding Reservation in the handling of the remote control by backward class scientists for a few hours everyday.
Day 19
The Rover will engage in a High powered drilling operation today to collect stone and rock samples from deep inside the martian surface. The rock samples will be blasted back to earth in a hermetically sealed capsule. The stone samples will then be used for ‘Gemology’ purposes wherein you can wear small pieces of the rocks around your necks and fingers to bring you good luck and prosperity in life!
Day 24
As the expedition nears an end and the Rovers has reached ‘Low Battery’ (of course the batteries are sub standard too), the final task for ‘Natwarlal’ is to lay the foundation stone for a ‘Multi-billion dollar Township’ real estate project.
Ads like these have already started to appear in newspapers across India:
Martian Serenity- An Oasis among the hustle and bustle of Mars. Find peace in our gated Villas with clubhouse and golf course. Five minutes from Hospital, School, College, Crematorium and Mutton Shop. Last three houses available. Bring Cash!!
Hurry! Houses will be ready to occupy in less than a month!