Dear Violet,
I love you.
*pauses to laugh out loud for a few minutes*
I’m sorry, Darling, I can’t even say that with a straight face. But, when I do say it, you look at me like such a meek little lamb that I just can’t bring myself to tell you that I’m leading you to the slaughter. Honestly, it’s so easy to lie to you. (Hey, I kind of like that sentence, because of all the lying I’ve done, I’m telling the truth about this one) I mean, you believe everything I say. Who wouldn’t get hooked on saying whatever they wanted? Arsenic has never been this easy to spoon feed.
And the best part is, you keep coming back for more. Except, sometimes I don’t want you around, so that starts to get extremely irritating. I mean, what do you expect? Commitment? Holy smokes woman, what sort of man do you take me for? But, I’m getting off track here. This letter is supposed to be how I am supposed to feel about you.
*Ahem*
The sun rises and sets in your eyes, my Love. Your voice is so soothing and calm when I have a crisis. Your touch is like feathers on my skin and your lips taste like … uh… your lips are… umm… your kiss is… dang. I hate writer’s block. You get the idea, right?
Okay moving on. You are always there for me when I need you. Ha! Another true statement! I’m getting better at this. So, when I do need you, all I have to do is call, and you come running. Only I don’t have to feed you like I have to feed the cats. It’s really nice, actually, cause you’re usually feeding me. I can even set my watch by times you’ve said you’d come over. I mean, you’re the most reliable person I’ve ever met. It’s incredible! Like Old Faithful! Sweetie, you are the best geyser a man could ever wish for. Er… hang on, that didn’t sound quite as romantic as I wanted it to.
Let’s see… I can always predict your explosions. Perfect! Usually they come after I’ve promised you something, like this letter, and then I don’t do it. It’s actually sort of fun to keep a private tally of how many times you’ve asked for it even after I’ve disappointed you. I have more stamina than I thought I did. But, you look so happy when I promise you something that I don’t’ have the heart to tell you that I couldn’t care less about what you need, much less what you want. Besides, I’m on a roll here. Come on, ask me again… I want to see if we can get to 20.
Of course, there is always a chance that you’ll split.
*laughs again*
I cant say that with a straight face, either. I mean, who are we kidding? Old Faithful has never quit, and neither have you. That’s what’s so awesome about you. Your adoration of me is so sincere I almost believe it myself. Yes, my dearest, you are one of those rare women who stands by her man, and don’t think I don’t appreciate it. Only, now I don’t really feel like having you around, so I’m going to end this letter with my love (*cough, snicker, choke*) and the promise of a phone call. When I need you. Which will be someday. When I decide. Maybe. Or when I’m hungry and I don’t feel like cooking.
Yours forever and ever,
Gabriel
© 2010