And this is where things get really interesting. Instantly, the demons around me saw an opportunity to broadside my spirit and body in a way that was totally new – a fresh attack.
Let’s catch her off her guard and drag her down, they said to each other. She took so much time climbing out of the last tar pit. Lets throw her into a fresh vat of napalm. She won’t even see it coming. She is beautiful now, and moves with grace and confidence. She knows how to attract a man, and is so willing to please. Let us carefully and systematically ruin her.
I can still feel the sinister anticipation of those revolting serpents as they softly beckoned to me.
Come, they purred, come over this way. That’s it… a little closer. Trade your innocent smile for salacious seduction… switch practiced morals for carnal desire. Use your intelligence and beauty to commit debauchery. You have everything you need; your face is captivating, your voice passionate, your look enticing, and you are not a stranger to sex. Lust, thou child of God… lust and be reckless. Let us destroy you.
The purring would soon become a ghastly hiss – a wretched sound born of despair and evil. Ebony mouths dripping with filthy black slick beckoned me slowly and steadily to that huge expanse of sticky turmoil, and I could only watch with a sense of detached fascination as I stepped closer and closer to the edge.
By the time you asked me what I wanted from you, the only thing that would register was the mating instinct that was taking over. I told you I wanted you to kiss me, but you saw how agitated I was. I was fighting off lecherous devils, trying my hardest to turn from the Hell I saw myself coming closer to.
This is not who I am, this is not who I am, I kept saying. I am not a harlot. I am not a whore. I feel so out of control, so ashamed and humiliated. I don’t like this at all! I am a child of my Father and so is Gabriel. Why am I doing this?
Completely repulsed by my own behavior, my agitation grew, and the vile snakes around me rejoiced.
Excellent. She is loathing herself. Let us concentrate on that – have her completely forget who she is… for ensuring her forgetfulness is our primary mission. Our control will be complete if she has no idea of the eternal light that is inherent and indestructible inside her.
I was beginning to lose circulation in my limbs as the serpents constricted around me. I will not lie, the pressure felt exhilarating. I had so much fun hanging out at work, and taking you away in my car gave me a surge of adrenalin, as I’m sure you noticed by the way I drove. My skin was on fire most of the time, the blood pounding in my brain, and you even told me you saw desire written on my face.
But after a while, something began to register in the back of my mind. I felt breathless – I mean it was wonderful – until I realized that the reason I was breathless was because I was choking. Temptation had carved a filthy path up my torso and I had let it wrap its quivering body around my neck. This realization made my blood pressure suddenly skyrocket. I … can’t … breathe …! I gasped. My heart was threatening to beat itself out of my chest when my spiritual survival instinct finally began to take over.
Go home, Violet, came a calm but firm voice. Go home and detach yourself from this mess. Clear your head and step back from this.
But I don’t want to, I argued. If I do that, I will have to face the fact that I am alone, that I am not as strong as I want to be, and that I have more work ahead of me. I am so weary of work, Father. Please … let me have some leisure.
You really think this is leisure, child? came the reply.
I was silent. I couldn’t answer in the affirmative, knowing Truth when I heard it, so I went home and wrote you a novel on your phone.
Not quite complete enough, I thought. There is anger there, and I don’t want to show this guy anger. He’s done nothing wrong – the fault lies with me. I have to call him and tell him I’m sorry. I hope he understands why I can’t talk to him anymore, that I’m beating myself up for not being stronger, and that I don’t like feeling like this. I don’t want to lose the hope I so keenly felt simply because I am reeling from a fresh black eye.
(To be continued…)
© 2010
