Actually, all I knew is that I had family in Mexico, throughout the US, and we spoke both languages. I didn't know that anything our family did was any different from what my white classmates did at home. My lunch wasn't any different, and I definitely didn't dress unlike any of my friends.
Traveling to Mexico, and eventually living and going to school in Mexico, was the only time in my childhood that I felt different.
My Spanish, which was good (even by today's dismal standards), was put into question by my well-spoken and educated classmates. My more casual California school clothes were laughed at by school-age girls in perfect uniforms.
No, I didn't feel Mexican in Mexico. I felt, and am, an American. But I moved on, grew up, and eventually finished Middle, High School and College in Southern California.
By the late 1980's and early 1990's, there was a clear marking of what made you a Latino, a Chicano and a Mexican American in the US. Which was, mind you, quite different than what a Mexican identified with in Mexico.
I didn't, and still don't, fit into the stereotypical mold of what it was to be a Latina in the US. I'm too Latina to be American, and too "white" to be Latina. So I eventually embraced the "Coco" in me. (thus the "Cabeza de Coco" title for my blog).
My Latina (and Latino) friends, in a similar circumstance as mine, began to also embrace what made us unique. Naivety ruled our collegiate life and we began to apply to jobs after college.
I, for one, seemed interested in a communications role at a Mexican-American non-profit based in East Los Angeles. Mind you, I didn't grow-up in the community this non-profit was based, but I figured, that my Latina experience would be similar to other Latinos.
I was wrong.
Even before I moved through the interview process, the managing director, as she looked up-and-down at my freshly pressed Benetton suit, said that "I would not be able to relate to the community that they served."
Just like that, I was told by a Latina, just like me, that I was not one of her own. I held on to this hate for many, many years.
Eventually I gave up, and applied for jobs that had nothing to do with the Hispanic world.
But I did get a job. At a national non profit. Managing both general consumer and Hispanic communications. My hiring manager? A white man. From the South (no less).
Yes my friends, it took a White man to hire this brown girl to work with brown folks.
No joke.
As I moved up in my career, I had more contact with Latinos (not related to me) than I had in my entire life. These Latinos weren't just Mexican American.
Eventually I met Puerto Ricans, Cubans, Argentineans, Central Americans, and a mish-mosh of folks from places that were very different, yet similar, from my own.
I learned that not all tamales were made the same, but unlike my family that purchased theirs, many Latinos made their own! I also learned that Holidays that were, well, not a big deal in Mexico, were a HUGE deal for Latinos in the US (Cinco de Mayo anyone?). But mostly, I learned that Latinos didn't grow-up with similar life experiences. We are all very different.
My most important lesson? I learned that people gravitate towards people that share in their lifestyle, regardless of what their country of origin is.
I have come to realize that people relate to each-other because of similar backgrounds and experiences.
That's why you see yuppies hanging out with other yuppies regardless of what their nationality is: they have things in common. They can relate.
But it doesn't just happen. It starts at the crib.
Yes, you can earn your stripes and join the upper middle class professional ranks after living through hardships in the hard streets of East LA. But the truth is, you will never fully relate to what it's like to grow-up in an upper middle class family.
Case in point: I grew-up in an upper middle-class family with many (MANY!) entrepreneurs and business owners. Because of my upbringing, I am known to help folks and connect businesses with other business folks. This is just something I do because it's something I grew-up around.
In my world, businesses grew by helping each-other, whether they "personally liked" someone or not. Business, is well, business. This has been done for eons. Just read through any successful entrepreneur biography and you will see that documented.
But, it's very different to live through it, than it is to read about it.
When I help someone that didn't grow-up like me, they don't get it. In theory they might, but the reality is that they just can't relate.
It goes without saying that I attribute the lack of business connections among Latinos because Latinos that are opening businesses are coming from non-entrepreneurial backgrounds. They think they have to do it alone. That no one is interested in helping them.
They fight, tooth-and-nail, to claw to the top not realizing that there's other ways of doing it.
The trick is, to find out who you are and embrace those like you until you can understand folks in another circle.
Learn from other folks and remember: Life experiences and your background may put you were you are at -right now-, but your willingness to be open minded will take you outside of your comfort zone.
Be open for change by learning from someone else's life that may be different from your own.