My jealousy doesn't come from Ex and Jared, because that ended. Jared didn't commit to her. My jealousy comes from Ex and MY FAMILY. Yes, the DeMann's are my family. Jared and I said I do and with that I married him and his family became mine. I truly love and admire each of them so much and I feel like I am always fighting for them. J has made it incredibly clear (as have I) that if Ex is around - we will not be. It's not an ultimatum of her or us. It's a statement. We want to start fresh. If she goes camping, comes to hang out, arrives at parties she will come in the door and we will leave out that same door 15 seconds later. Once again, it's not that he hates Ex, she's kind and she's respectable. She is still his ex and why should he have to be reminded of his past constantly through others decisions. Also, I am his wife, why should I be reminded of his past relationships when I just want to see my friends and family?
It's really hard to feel like I am in constant competition and that I am losing. Every time there is a gathering, the first thing that pops in my head is, "Will Ex be there?" and secondly, "Will I have to give up hanging out with my family because she is there?". I don't want to leave the gatherings. I want to stay, cheers and make new memories, but I am threatened. I feel like I am on one side of the yard and she's on the other side and we're both calling for my family and our friends and many are slowly walking toward Ex. So here goes the pitty party... It makes me feel like I don't mean as much to them as they do to me. Am I a bitch? Am I not fun to be around? Do you wish he wouldn't have married me?
I understand that we don't need to leave when she is there and that we could pretend to not be bothered. We could act kosher, laugh and fake smile, but I don't want to do that. We have been together almost 5 years, why am I not respected, in the sense, that when I say "if Ex is there - we won't be" and then she is invited and it's okay if we choose to leave?
I want to have great memories with my friends and family. I want to build a new start where Ex isn't around.
I know that no one sees Ex and Jared as a couple anymore, and like I said J isn't the one causing the jealousy. I'm not fighting for that spot. I have that spot with Jared. He loves me and we are the real deal. I don't have that spot with all our friends and family. How many of you would volunteer to spend an evening with your one true love's ex? The person you love most in the world has a past and what if you don't like thinking about that, but you were forced to every time you see a photo pop up on facebook or arrive at a party?
The photo that never should have happened is where Ex and I are together. If I wanted to be with the people I hold closest to my heart, my family and friends, I had to suck it up and take the damn photo.
