The Romney Sons: “One Brother, Two Brothers, Three Brothers, FIVE BROTHERS”
Tonight is the final Presidential debate. Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that I absolutely love the Presidential debates. I don’t listen to a single thing either candidate says, and mostly talk about how much Joe Biden reminds me of my daddy. On average, 2-3 people stop following me during every debate.
The best meme to come out of this election season is definitely based on the hilarious pictures of Mitt Romney’s son, Josh Romney, sitting in the audience at the second debate. He is pictured below at the top right corner.
People talking about this picture on the Internet say that Josh Romney looks like Dr. Spock, or the evil spawn of Satan poised to take over the world with his undead daddy. In my opinion, however, I think that he looks like Count Dracula from Sesame Street.
Whenever I see this picture of him, I have this fantasy of him swooping down from the eaves to wherever I’m standing. He’s like 4 feet tall, and connected to the ceiling by strings. When he tries to bite me, it turns out that his teeth are made out of foam, and I just end up giggling hysterically, because it really tickles.
“One Brother, Two Brother, Three Brothers, Four Brothers, FIVE BROTHERS,” I imagine him screaming.
I mean, he clearly looks demented. But in a harmless way.
The funny thing about Mitt Romney’s sons is that they all lesser versions of him, like God bought him full price, and then ran out of money, so had to buy his sons at the bargain bin in the dollar store.
Because as much as you may hate Romney, you have to admit that he was one handsome motherfucker.
He kind of looks like John F. Kennedy Jr.
Or Daniel Grayson on Revenge.
(Best call ever, am I wrong?)
Like, you almost want to meet him on the ski slope so he knock you out and unlock your body with his Secret Decoder Ring.
Mitt Romney’s sons, on the other hand, all look like they were made by humorous God, and that humorous God gave each one a fucked up feature.
There is Craig, the big-mouthed Romney.
Whose lower face looks like a teratoma.
There’s Ben, the albino Romney.
Who might wear blue contacts to cover his red eyes.
Boring Fact About Ben: He’s a doctor, and he has no interest in politics.
There’s Matt, the fairy ear Romney.
Who is actually really hot. Let’s be honest, I’d hit it, and so would you.
“Mmphff,” I just grunted.
Fun Fact About Matt: He’s incredibly hot
There’s Tagg, the big nosed Romney.
Who has all of the features of his father, but curiously, isn’t handsome.
Fun fact about Tagg Romney: He worked as the head of marketing for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and had six children of his own, three birthed via surrogate mothers.
And finally, there’s the aforementioned Josh Romney, whose face looks a beak.
And from the side, like Beavis sans Butthead.
Boring Fact About Josh Romney: He’s a real estate developer. SNORE.
Their faults, in sum total, make the awesome…to make fun of.
I hate to say it, but the grandson in the second row, 2nd from left, looks like he got picked up at a “last chance” basement level sale. One would think, with all of the Romney’s money…
In any case, look out for the sons during the debate tonight. And watch out for me. I’m going to try to live blog it.
