Previously on The Saga of Office Boy: The Bathroom Shelf
I half-listened to the conversation going on between my roommate and older sister. The purpose of the weekend was to get away, but my mind was elsewhere -- back home in Virginia, focused on a handsome man with a charming smile. I pulled out my phone and typed a new message.
Hey there handsome, it read, as I sent it off to Office Boy.Hi, he responded a few minutes later.How are you? I asked.
The time arrived to depart the Panera, so my sister, roommate and I deposited our trash into the container and headed back to the car. As we drove out of the parking lot, my phone began to ring. It was Office Boy.
"Hey," I answered."Hi," he said, quietly."How are you?" I asked."I'm okay.""Just okay?" I could tell something was wrong. "Yea," he said. "So, I, uhh...I had a lot of time to think this weekend.""Okay...""And umm, well, I think that I should keep on doing what I'm doing." A lump formed hard and fast in my throat."What does that mean?" I managed to asked. After a bit of explanation, he said the words I'd been dreading, praying I wouldn't hear for weeks."I think we should break up."
Suddenly, it seemed like the world had stopped moving. The lump in my throat moved to my chest and the pain became intense and real. Tears welled up in my eyes and began to sting. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I didn't know what to speak, what to think, or what to feel.
"Umm...okay," I managed to get out. I tried to keep the anxiety down, the panic the kept rising. I tried to breath, keep myself focused."I'm so sorry, Sarah.""No, it's umm...it's okay, I just..." The more time passed, the harder the words were to speak."Are you home?""No, I'm still in Florida," I said. "We're, umm, we're driving back home tomorrow.""Okay," he said. "If you want to talk about this in person, when you get back, we can.""Yea, that would be good, but I, umm..." I paused, the tears spilling over my eyelids and rolling down my cheeks, hidden only until the reached below the rim of my sunglasses."Is there anything you want to say? Or anything you want to ask me?""Yea, just not right now. I just...I just need to go. I'll, umm, I'll call you when I get back and let you know about talking face to face.""Okay," he said. "Bye.""Bye," I said quickly, and hung up the phone.
I hugged my knees into my chest and just cried.
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I sat in my car, parked outside my parents house. They weren't home yet, but I didn't want to be alone. Tears once again rolled down my cheeks as I listened to the voice on the other line. The voice I'd heard on the phone hundreds of times since December.
"I'm so, so sorry, Sarah. I thought that by calling you in Florida, you'd be with your sister and your roommate and that would make it easier. I see now that was clearly wrong, and I'm so sorry. Of all the people in the world I'd even want to hurt, you're not one of them. The last people in the world I want to hurt are my parents, and I want to hurt you less than them. That's how much I don't want you to be hurt by this situation," he said. "You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met. You're so genuine and sweet and wonderful. You have this light about you and you lift people's spirits. You lifted mine, all the time. I'm so thankful for you. I never realized that a relationship like this was really possible. And if it can't work with someone like you, I know there's no one out there for me. I know that you won't want to hang out right away, but I want you to know that if we don't ever hang out again, I'd be really sad. I know we sort of had a relationship already, but I just, I really felt like you were my friend, and that's something I've never had in a relationship before. I will do whatever you need me to to make this easier for you. I will be as visible or invisible as you need me to be. I will talk to you or not talk to you. Please, just tell me what you need."
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"You're doing okay?" he asked, unable to hide the surprise from his voice."Yea," I said. "I'm actually doing a lot better than I expected to.""Like...you're really okay?""I wouldn't say that necessarily, but I'm doing better than expected.""So like...on a scale from one to ten, one being you're absolutely devastated and ten being you could go out on a date with the first guy you saw...how are you doing? And don't say five, because that's a cop-out." I laughed."Well, that's kind of hard. Because I'm doing okay emotionally, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna want to date someone else any time soon.""But really, you're doing okay?""For now, yes.""Wow," he said. "How are you doing?""It's been hard, actually," he said. "It gets harder with every day. I think about you all the time.""I know it's hard, but you made the right decision.""It doesn't feel like it. This doesn't feel good.""It might not feel like it, but it is, trust me," I said. "The way I see it, one of two things will happen. Either you're going to process through everything you need to process through and come to conclusions that make you see it never would've worked between us anyway and then it will have been good that we ended things now because more hurt would happen later. Or, you're going to process through everything and come to conclusions that show you that it can work and Jesus will do the crazy things He always does and we'll get back together.""So you'd be okay with us getting back together in the future?" he asked, sounding surprised. I laughed."Of course. I am in no way opposed to us getting back together at some point in the future, if that's what's best.""Alright," he said. "So in about six or seven months, I'm going to have to start sabotaging all your relationships with guys...""I don't think you need to worry about that," I said, smiling."But just to be safe.""Alright. Well, I've gotta go, but I'll talk to you later.""Okay. Bye.""Bye."
---
I heard a knock at the door and went to open it. There he stood, looking like he always had, the same old worn baseball cap flipped backwards on his head, a few curls peeking out from under the front.
"Hi," I said.
"Hi," he said and walked in. I shut the door behind him.
"Dinner is almost ready."
"Why did you make dinner?"
"I figured you'd probably be hungry."
"It's just...I really don't think I want to eat right now."
"Well, that's okay."
He sat down on the chair and I took a place on the couch nearby.
"I'm sorry, I'm already really uncomfortable."
"Why are you uncomfortable?"
"Because of this. This conversation."
"It's just me. You don't have to be uncomfortable."
We sat awkwardly for a moment, neither of us quite sure where to begin.
"So, umm...I guess, what exactly led you to make the decision you made?"
"Well..."
An hour and a half later, it was done. Everything talked through. All my questions answered. Well, all but one. I walked him to the door.
"Can I have a hug?" I asked.
"Sure."
He pulled me in tight and I started to cry. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again and in a way it was, because it was really goodbye. This was the end, at least for now. And it may the end forever, but there's no way of telling that tonight.
"I'm not gone forever," he said.
"I know."
"I'm just different now."
"I know."
A few minutes later I watched him disappear from my sight as I shut the door and locked it. I turned away, and burst into tears. It was over, for real this time.
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Editor's Note: Clearly, Office Boy and I have broken up. I hope that I've made it clear through the snippets of conversations that he is not a bad guy. He is the one who broke up with me, but in the end, it was the best decision for the both of us. I am not angry at him now and I will not be angry at him in the future. He did what was best, even if it hurt. As such, there will be no Office Boy bashing in the comments. If you write anything negative about Office Boy, no matter how small, I will delete the comment. As always, share your reactions to the story, but no Office Boy bashing, please.