The Beginning | Facts About Myself | Don't Mess With An English Major | The Bake SaleThe Favor | The Rescue | The Brothel | The Number | The Wrist, Part One | The Wrist, Part TwoThe Sighting | The Question | The Concern | The Explanation | The Star Wars Debate
The Phone Call | The Holiday Thursday | The Rain Check | The First Freak Out | The Twist
The Second Freak Out
I picked up the phone and swiped to answer the call.
"Hey, can I call you back in like five minutes?" I asked.
"Yea, sure."
"Okay, talk to you later. Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and sighed and looked back at my computer screen. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone nor was it a conversation I wanted to have now. I finished my conversation with my friend, closed my laptop and picked up the phone. I dialed the number rather begrudgingly as I walked back into my room. It kept ringing and at first I thought he wouldn't answer. Then he picked up.
"Hi."
"Hey," I said.
"Why'd you have to call me back?"
"I was talking to a friend on video chat."
"Oh, ok," he said. There was a long, somewhat awkward pause. "So..."
"So...umm..."
Jeez. How the heck do I have this conversation? Is there any way to make him think I was confused without bringing his general actions into it? Probably not. Ugh. This sucks.
"So, umm...why did you ask if I wanted to go on a date with Alfred*?" I asked.
"I don't know. We were just talking and he was saying how he's sort of transitioning and trying to get out and do more things. You guys are kind of in a similar place, so I thought you might work."
"Oh, ok." I sighed.
"You're mad," he said. It wasn't a question.
"No, I'm not mad," I said. I wasn't. Confused as all get out, sure. But mad? No.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm not mad. I promise. I'm just a little confused."
"Well, what can I say to make you not confused?"
Oh boy. Here we go.
"I guess...it's just...umm..." I started. Jeez, Sarah. Pull it together. Just tell him what's up. It's not that hard. "Well, the way you talk and text and stuff, it just...doesn't seem like you view me as just a friend. If that's not the case, that's fine. I guess I'm just confused."
"Well, what do you mean?"
"I mean..." I said, trying not to cry. Hold it together, Sarah. Hold it together. "I don't know a single guy who would say the things that you say to me to a girl he wasn't interested in."
"Oh," he said.
"It's just that when you say things like how you like calling me and talking to me makes you happy and I make work easier...that doesn't come across as just normal conversation. That comes across as flirting."
"Wow. I feel awful now."
"Don't. You just need to be aware of how what you say comes across, that's all."
"To be fair, I go into Jillian's* office and say things like, 'I didn't know Tyra Banks was in here.'"
"True, but you and Jillian aren't the same age. It's not the same thing."
"Yea...and I guess even Jenny* said something," he said. "Are you mad at me?"
"No," I said, somewhat exasperated. "I'm not mad. Like I said, it just threw me for a loop, that's all. The way things have been going the last few weeks, I guess, well, I expected if anyone was going to ask me on a date it would've been you."
"Oh. The thought never crossed my mind because we work together," he said. And there it is. "But I mean, if we didn't work together, absolutely. And like...if I saw you on the street I'd be like, 'Hey.'"
There was an awkward silence.
"Anything else to go with that hey?" I asked, chuckling.
"Maybe. I don't know. I'm not very smooth," he said.
"That's alright. Being smooth isn't all it's cracked up to be. Trust me, I know."
"But I did mean all of those things that I said. I do like calling you and talking to you does make me happy and you do make work easier. Work things are just complicated. I actually went on a date with another girl from the office and, well, it didn't go well."
"Ahh," I said. Figures. There was a pause.
"Did you want me to?"
"Did I want you to what?"
"Ask you out."
"I...I don't know," I said, because I honestly didn't. "The last couple of weeks have been really strange and I'm just...I don't really know." The tears started coming. I tried hard to push them back. "I'm just still dealing with everything that happened with Star Wars guy and I just...I don't know if I'm ready for something."
"Are you crying?"
"I did tell you I was a crier."
"This is not okay."
"No, really. It's fine. I promise."
"No, it's not okay that I made you feel this way. It's not okay at all."
"Really, it's fine. To be honest, right now what I probably need is just a friend more than anything else and I'm okay with that for now."
"What did he do to you?"
"It's...it's a long, complicated story."
"I can't imagine anyone treating you badly. You're one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever met. You're always so excited and bubbly. You just float around the office like a little pixie. I love it."
"Well, thanks."
"Do I need to go kill him for you?" I smiled.
"No, I'll be okay, but thanks for the offer."
"Anytime."
"And like I said...right now I just need a friend."
"Well, good, because I really like hanging out."
"Me too," I said, smiling. "Well, I should probably get to bed. But I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"Okay. Have a good night."
"You, too. Bye."
"Bye."
I sighed and hung up the phone. Not the conversation I expected to have tonight.
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*Names changed.