The Beginning | Facts About Myself | Don't Mess With An English Major | The Bake SaleThe Favor | The Rescue | The Brothel | The Number | The Wrist, Part One | The Wrist, Part TwoThe Sighting | The Question | The Concern | The Explanation | The Star Wars Debate The Phone Call | The Holiday Thursday | The Rain Check | The First Freak Out | The TwistThe Second Freak Out | The Clarification | The Confusion | The Awkward ConversationThe Accident | The Show, Part One | The Show, Part Two | The Birthday Dinner | The MoveThe Other Guy | The Final Freak Out
Happy Friday, followers. I hope you all are having a lovely day.
Today's post in the Saga is a bit different. As you learned in Tuesday's post, Office Boy and I are now dating. We've been doing so for about a month now. This morning, as I chatted with the lovely Emma of Charcoal Renderings, I couldn't decide what story to write for today.
Not that funny and/or interesting things haven't happened. They have. I mean, Office Boy is still Office Boy. But, you see, I originally planned to conclude the Saga almost two weeks ago. I know, I know. I can hear the gasps and exclamations of horror. Say it isn't so!
It is. I cannot keep the Saga up forever. This is not because of you, dear readers, because I do love reading your comments and reactions (especially when I knew what was coming next.) It is mainly due to the fact that now that Office Boy and I are in a relationship, I would prefer to not have said relationship under a microscope. But I'm sure you will still hear snippets here and there about him in future posts.
All that to say, when I tried to think of a story for today, I couldn't come up with one. Again, not because story-worthy moments haven't happened, but more because, since I had mentally ended the Saga two weeks ago, I stopped filing stories away in my head as, "This would make a good post in the Saga." And I just let things happen as they happened.
So my dear Emma suggested that I should give you some reflections on how things are going, because you've obviously all gotten the story up to this point (and if you're joining us for the first time, seriously...go back and read it from the beginning), but she thought, maybe, you'd like to just hear my reflections on it. So...that's what I'm gonna do.
Warning: From here on out, things may or may not get wordy and/or rambly and/or emotional and/or mushy/vomit-inducing.
Now, some of you might not know that I've never actually been in a relationship before. I've never dated anyone with the intention of knowing it could actually potentially lead somewhere.
I know. It's quite shocking. (Not really...but a lot of people are usually quite shocked by this fact.)
Yes, there was The Boy Who Broke My Heart. But we pseudo-pseudo-dated for like a month and that was it. Yes, we liked each other and both knew it. But it never went any farther than that. Then there was The Boy Who Smashed My Heart. We sort of dated, yes, but again, there was never a relationship. I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't -- couldn't -- go anywhere long term, but my heart somehow got snagged in the process.
It's really kind of a strange phenomenon, for me, at least. For 23 years now, it's pretty much just been me. Yes, I've obviously liked other guys and had brief stints in pseudo-relationships that ended with me crying my eyes out and drowning my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream, but I never really had that "couple" mentality.
That's been hard for me to adjust to, in some respects. I'm very type A and kind of OCD and I overanalyze everything to the maximum degree. It's really easy for me to get up inside my head and stay up there. And it used to be that that wasn't a problem. If I wanted to come down out of my head I could write here on the blog, or talk to a friend, or something like that. But now, I can't do that. Because often the things I'm overanalyzing have to do with Office Boy and our relationship. I can't just sit and theorize and analyze to my heart's content. I have to talk with him about those things. Have a conversation. Communicate.
You would think I'd be really great at communicating. I mean, I'm such an awesome writer, right? (Just kidding.) But I'm learning that maybe I'm not so awesome at communicating sometimes. Sure, I can manipulate words and write beautiful, or thoughtful, or witty, or emotionally deep and raw things. But I have a harder time communicating those things to the person I care about, who is also affected by whatever thing I happen to be overanalyzing at the moment. That's something I'm having to get used to. More than once Office Boy has had to force me to talk about things that I've already overanalyzed way too much (as Tuesday's post demonstrated).
I know many of you had your doubts about Office Boy at moments. I obviously did, too. There were moments during this whole process that were really confusing and sometimes downright scary because I am 100%, completely terrified of getting hurt again.
But I can honestly say that Office Boy is a wonderful man. When I first met him, I never thought we would end up together. And by never I mean that about a week after I started writing this blog, when my mom said she was concerned because Office Boy might find it, I said, "Oh, don't worry about it, mom. We're never going to date each other so it'll be fine."
Can you tell who's really great at predicting things? Not this girl.
I admit. My first impression of Office Boy wasn't the greatest. He kind of gave off this cocky, player-esque, frat boy vibe and anyone who knows me knows that I hate that kind of personality. And that is why I thought we would never date. Ever. But it turns out you can be pretty darn wrong about a person, because that is not who Office Boy is at all.
If I had picked out a guy for myself, it probably wouldn't have been Office Boy. In many respects, he's nothing like anyone I ever pictured myself with. He's not my "type." But the more I thought about it, I realized that maybe that's an okay thing. Because The Boys Who Broke and Smashed My Heart were my "ideal" guy. They were everything I had written down on paper that I thought I wanted in a guy. And they both turned out to be jerks.
He is very dedicated in his work and incredibly good at what he does, so much to the point that he works overtime without getting paid and sometimes people pile more work on him than he should be doing. But he does it all with a smile (most of the time) and does his best not to snap at anyone or be angry with them.
He is a total goofball and has no issue whatsoever making a fool of himself to make me laugh or smile. He is sweet and thoughtful. He lets me know that I am beautiful all the time. He makes me feel safe and cared for. He gives fantastic hugs and sweet kisses. I respect him not only because he deserves it but because he respects me. He knows that he is not perfect. He knows that he has flaws and doesn't have everything figured out. I know that someday he will hurt me. Someday I will hurt him. And that is just a fact because we are both human and humans hurt each other, even if we don't mean to.
We're still getting to know each other and we've still got a long way to go. And this may lead to forever and it may not. But whatever happens, happens.
Hopefully next week you will hear from Office Boy, but he's being shy right now because he doesn't believe you actually want to hear from him. So gather all your friends together and storm the castle (or just blow up the comments on this blog) to show him that you want to hear his thoughts.
Have a lovely weekend, all. :)
--Shayes.
