The Super Woman Syndrome

Saturday. I had a picnic to go to. Something, which I had organized. So I was up early to complete the household chores before I left. I was also working as we had to complete an entire set of application performance related tasks within the weekend.
I squeezed ten minutes in to call my mother-in-law in India because I wouldn't get time later and she would be upset if I didn't call. As I was speaking with her she wanted me to call her sister as well because it’d been long since I’d spoken with her. And she also asked if I had bought the pain relief cream online and sent it to her. I hadn't. Truth is I had simply forgotten! I admitted it with extreme guilt.

I had barely gotten over to the second minute of our conversation when the pressure cooker started buzzing and the MS Lync started glowing. And at the same time I realized that I was experiencing the Super Woman Syndrome. I realized that I was always biting off more than I could chew. I had to do everything myself. And I had to do everything perfectly. I took great pride in my multitasking capability. See, I could do so many things. I was perfect!
But this was not supposed to be like that. I can’t remember when it all went wrong! When did it become so hard to say no? You see my problem? In my eyes the ideal woman is the iron-woman, who is a go getter, never afraid, tough and a fighter. I want to be her. I think less of me if I can’t.
But I guess it has been the same all along. All my life, I have seen that Goddesses were the most divine creatures. Even Gods were allowed to make mistakes but Goddesses, never. Those who did make mistakes were never given the standard of a Goddess. They had to amuse themselves with the Apsara status.
In my home, it was always mom, who took care of us, decided what was going to be on our plates for the day, and kept notice of the household inventory and the monthly budget in spite of having a full time job as a doctor! She was the doctor-next-door for our neighbours who didn’t mind knocking on our door at any time of the day for even the smallest of discomforts, and mom always helped them smiling. She was the bridge of communication between us and our relatives. She remembered everything! From the last date when we had added fertilizer to the flower pots to when last we had booked our cooking gas cylinder. And yet she made it look so effortless. If I can’t be all that it’s my fault. Isn't it?
Not only me, I see numerous women around me struggling to live up to an impossibly high standard. They thrive to be perfect in front of an imaginary audience. As long as I remember, I have always been taught, be smart but not overbearing, be outspoken but be a lady too, be ambitious but raise a family too, be successful but make your man feel like a hero. Stand apart but make everyone feel at home around you.
It’s the woman’s responsibility to maintain the equilibrium in all aspects of her life. Men can be careless but you as a woman must always be very caring and careful. That’s how the universe is. Because he has that Y chromosome and we don’t. Is that why they say, think like a man but be a lady. What does it mean anyway?
Housewives tend to get extra careful in keeping every damn dust particle of their homes in order. Women who have children suffer from the self-deprecation that they are not doing enough. Women who have a career are always torn between their families and work. Women who are too busy in their work to raise a family feel alienated from the society in some way. There’s an invisible checklist that hovers before every woman’s eyes, to be looked up as a respected woman, all of the points must be checked. Somehow we all feel that the day is way too short to realize all that we aspire. Somehow we all believe there's a formula that constitutes an ideal woman.
It’s our fault really. Or is it the way we have been trained so deceptively that we believe we are born that way. Or probably deep within us we know that we are lucky to live a normal life despite all the adversities and we must make most of it. We must prove ourselves deserving of the life we have. We must always give more than we receive so that we owe nobody anything. We must always come up to the top so that no one can point finger and say, “You know what, she doesn't deserve this.”
You know what, I know this. I even consciously try to break out of this mould. I try to be carefree, independent, happy go lucky. I try to live the life on my own terms. But somehow I always tend to go back to the same place where the need to be perfect catches up! I can't accept my failures and move on. I need to dwell on it. I need to take up everything on my shoulder. But yet somehow I never feel that I am doing enough!

So yeah, I most definitely suffer from the Super Woman Syndrome. How many of you do too?
Love,

Riot of Random