I've said it before, & I'll say it again....I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!
From the second the last firework explodes in the sky on Bonfire Night my mind is firmly fixated on all things festive and from that moment on i'm like a dog with a bone until January 5th when I begrudgingly agree, with genuine tears in my eyes, to take down the decorations and begin the countdown to next year...
Roy Wood basically summed up my entire philosophy on life when he sang the words "I wish it could be Christmas everyday..."...I genuinely do.
I can see myself becoming one of the nutjobs you read about in the Daily Mail who cook a whole turkey for themselves everyday, keep their deccies up all year round and wrap themselves a "surprise" gift to open every morning...seriously, that's a life approach I could get on board with.
I've always felt this way about Christmas, and woe betide anybody who dares to voice their Scrooge-like opinions of the season anywhere around me...all those people who take some kind of perverse pride in wearing "Bah Humbag" hats or who go around complaining that shops are playing Christmas music "too early", those are the kinds of people I would quite happily beat to death with a candy cane and quite honestly, they can suck my baubles.
So can you imagine my horror when, this year, I discovered one of those very people living under my own roof?
After spending months building up my excitement to celebrate Christmas with my 2 year old now that he's finally old enough to understand it all...imagine the shock and despair I felt when he uttered the words "Christmas is boring...I like Hallowe'en best".
I'm sorry....WHAT?!
Christmas is BORING?! How did something that emerged from my womb, which I imagine is decked out year-round in tinsel and has a constant stream of Michael Buble Christmas tunes playing inside it, decide that Christmas is boring?!
I decided that he simply didn't understand the full joy of the Christmas season - we go all out in this house to celebrate any occasion and I figured that we'd just overdone it a bit on Hallowe'en - that he just needed to be encouraged away from the spooky stuff and that he'd soon learn to embrace the festive fun and frolics.
But no - the toddler seems hell bent on tearing my Christmas Spirit apart piece by piece, ripping every last shred of Christmas Joy from my soul...
Here are just some of the ways he's tried to wear me down this month....
*Advent Meltdowns - On the 1st December I excitedly sat down with him and showed him his lovely advent calendar, explaining that we get to open one door every day until Christmas....the opening of the door went down very well!!...It was when he realised that he wasn't to open every single door all at once that things started to go a bit sour....
By the end of the heated debate, at least one of us was in a heap on the floor....
*The Christmas Tree Smells - When our beautiful Christmas tree arrived at the start of the month, I excitedly gathered together all of the decorations ready to start decorating it as a family - I gave Tyne the special job of bauble distribution and, of course, putting the star on the top of the tree.
What I wasn't prepared for was his exclamation of "Eeeeeeeurgh! The Christmas Tree smells like ground. I don't like ground, ground is dirty"....followed by whining questions about how long the tree will be in the house for and if the smell will ever go away....
*I don't want to go to the North Pole, I only like it inside - When we recently visited Santa's grotto, after spending an hour driving around to find somewhere that could fit us in after the first place we tried got their opening hours wrong and let us down, I was so excited to finally get Tyne out of the car and get him all geared up to meet the big man himself.
We were greeted by a very chirpy elf who excitedly told us all about the walk we'd take through the North Pole to see Santa's reindeer and find our way to Santa's house...the way was lit with beautiful candy cane lights, there were Christmas scene displays dotted around, we even got to stop and make a special Christmas wish with glitter - was the toddler impressed? Was he hell!
The problem being, the North Pole was all outdoors...and he declared that "He doesn't like it outside, I only like it inside....I want to go home now, where it's warm."
Hmmm...might be worth reconsidering visiting actual lapland when he's older as I'd planned....
*I want a lump of coal for Christmas... Ok I admit, I told that ages-old parental tale of how he'd find coal in his stocking on Christmas morning instead of toys if he continued to be naughty - I wasn't quite prepared for his reaction.
Coal, to a little steam engine fanatic like my child, is not actually a threat - it's a thing of wonder. A thing he'd actually rather find in his stocking than many other things....and now I'm left with the predicament of whether to actually put coal in his stocking since he's so hell bent on receiving it...
*Santa is scary....I want to watch Zombies instead - After I spent a good hour or so putting together the perfect personalised Santa video from the Portable North Pole app to surprise him with, my toddler refused point blank to watch more than a few seconds of it declaring that "Santa is too scary...I want to watch the Zombie song on YouTube instead...."
*Christmas Carols are out, Halloween songs are in - Following on from the above, no matter how many choruses of When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney or Jingle Bells I try to sing with him, he just shouts me down...singing over me with renditions of "Monster Mash" and "Skeleton Bones"...how did I end up raising such a little ghoul?!
Yes every time I pull out a copy of The Night Before Christmas, he counteracts it with requests to read Meg & Mog or FunnyBones instead...everytime I try to put on a Christmas film he requests a spooky YouTube video...everytime I suggest a chocolate santa, he demands a smarties pumpkin instead....
But I'm not giving in without a fight, my 34 years of hardcore Christmas Joy is hard to kill...I must stay strong and fight the festive fight. But the force is strong in this one...and I'm not entirely sure who's going to come out on top....
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