They say that time flies, that you'll grow so quick and to make the most of it before the years fly past. And I think that they might be right.
Ethan, you're five and a half and Logan you're now three and yet here I am still feeling like a new Mum because, despite us approaching our sixth year as parents, it all still feels so new.
I can vividly remember you being placed in my arms for the first time. I still remember the days and the nights watching my stomach grow - watching you kick inside. I even remember your Daddy holding his phone up to my stomach playing you his favorite music from the Hobbit movie (trying his best to influence your music and film tastes before you'd even taken your first breath! :).)
Sometimes I get more frustrated than I'd like to when you fight with each other. Sometimes I'm not as patient as I should be when you don't do as I ask. Sometimes I feel like I'm continually breaking up your squabbles, picking up toys and your snack crumbs and packets and always stopping you from endangering yourselves.
But my gosh, there are also so many times where I feel I want to take a bottle and bottle that feeling of pure contentment, pride and happiness that I get from being your Mum.
The games we play, the skills we teach you, the funny things you both say and do, the kindness you show. Your creativity, your laughter, your smiles, your cuddles, your beautiful faces (that are way too beautiful for me to have made). The memories we make, the ordinary everyday moments and the extra special moments too. I love that our house feels full, that our hearts feel full and that our lives do too.
At bedtime we check on you and sometimes I stare for a little while, I might stroke your hair and give you each a little kiss. You're both so innocent, still so small, still so new to this world. You're both full of questions to ask, you both have so many exciting adventures ahead of you.
And how the clock ticks, how the hour's pass, the days go by, the months, the years.
And with each year you change a little bit more.
But I'm not sad.
I tell myself (and your Dad) that I'd like to stop time and keep you small. That I want you to want to cuddle me forever. That I want to be the one that you look up to and get excited about seeing everyday after school. I don't like to imagine a time when you don't place your tiny hands inside of mine when we're walking somewhere. I even sometimes don't correct you when you say something wrong, like 'Lula loop' for 'Loop the loop' (Logan) and 'Plano' for 'Piano' (Ethan), because you've got years ahead of you to get it right and right now your little phrases and ways of saying things are far too sweet.
But the reality is that you will get big and you will grow up. You'll pronounce your words right, you'll cuddle your girlfriends instead of your Mummy, you'll be more excited about your computer games after school than seeing me.
And I'll learn to be okay with that.
I can't and I don't wish for days gone by. Because you know what? We make the most of them, we really do. We make memories to last - we laugh, we act silly, we play, we talk, we draw, we colour, we make, we sing, we dance, we teach, we explore, we forgive, we cuddle, we snuggle, we love. And we grow from all of those experiences that we share.
Of course, I want to always be able to pick you up in my arms. I always want to cuddle up to you on the sofa and I always want to be the one that you come to. But most of all I want to make the most of each chapter - I want to look back without regret and I want to know that we made the most of this great big family adventure. And I think we do.
They say that time flies, but I think it always does when you're living your best life. So here's to many more shared moments and shared memories on this wonderful roller coaster of a journey called life, that I feel so privileged to be sharing with you.
Thank you, boys, for making life feel so beautiful. <3
