Thoughts on Studenthood, a Year In.

Hello again.
It's a really nice day here. It's lovely and rainy. The cat is snoring on the bed, and I've got a free day to finally finish off the reading that I've been smashing my way through over the last week or so. I'm in a bit of a strange mood - on the one hand, I'm really content. Things are going well and I don't have any massive personal challenges or stress happening at the moment.
On the other hand, though, there is a thing or two that's weighing on my mind. They're not really annoying me, but I guess I'll ruminate on them for a little while here before I go and get some food into me. In a way, the heavy thoughts and the lack of food in my tummy are connected.
It's this student gig. It's such an up and down experience on so many levels. Here's what my thoughts are:
I really do love the lifestyle of the uni student. I'm so thankful that I was born in a country where I can basically roll up to a building and go 'hey, I was born here and I got decent grades at school' and they say 'Awesome! Right this way. Here's tens of thousands of dollars of education, a discount for all of the other stuff you buy, free mental health care, a bunch of cool social stuff, likeminded people, occasional free food, and improved job opportunities at the end of it. Don't worry about paying anything now, we'll sort you out once you've got a decent enough job to worry about that'. Then I get to sit, study, read about interesting things, feel constructive, and have holidays where I basically get to do what I like. It's a great thing. The feeling of layering my improvement and still being able to be something of a man of leisure is one of the best feelings I've ever had. I think that anyone reading this can agree, this sounds like a pretty good deal.
Then, of course, there's the flip side.
On the more serious downside, there's the financial difficulties that I have. I am currently living on less than 15k a year - I would be unable to pay my bills on my income if I wasn't in receipt of a scholarship through the university. I have learned to feed myself on $100 a fortnight. In some cases, I've had to use food money to pay for travel or help with a bill, and I've had a food budget of $20 for the week. There has been a lot of really cheap and shitty food in my life over the last couple of years, which doesn't help my mood or health in general. Going out socially is out of the question - my friends pay for anything that I consume on social outings, which annoys me as well. I am fairly independent, and I value that. Having to bum a meal off people who I value the opinions of rankles me. This is all without going into the fact I miss out of a lot of things that could help me in my efforts to find a job because I simply can't afford them - industry events, travel opportunities, and basic things like decent clothes and stationary. I've made an art from out of finding pens people have left behind and grifting them from organizations that offer them for free. This sort of shit leads me to wonder if I've fallen prey to a poverty mindset, which also doesn't help my mental state a lot of the time. Basically, I feel like a jobless bum in the purest sense of the word. Which also leads me to wonder if I'm just putting too much pressure on myself. ARG anyway... moving right along.
I also have to contend with a couple of social disadvantages, though to me, these are less of a hindrance than the practical problems I've described above. They even sound pretty petty really, but I'd be lying if I said that they didn't get under my skin when I'm in a bad mood - they're the straw that breaks the camels back, to torture another analogy. My parents don't really understand what I'm dealing with - they're from an era when if you had a university degree, you walked into a job. Not only that, but having a job is of paramount importance. Doesn't matter what job, any job. They can't understand how I can go for years without working anyway, never mind doing so when I have a degree. To them, it looks like I'm deliberately skiving off and getting a free ride. They're still supportive of me - they don't exactly come out and tell me that they think I'm a loser, but they tell me that I'm doing alright and try to send on things they think I'll find interesting, stuff like that. but, they almost seem embarrassed of me and are still a bit out of touch with the reality of the situation. I don't bear them any ill will because of it, but it still frustrates me. I was sold on the idea of going to uni, getting a degree, and then a career. Everyone told me that was the way to go. Now I'm part of the educated underclass, living below the poverty line because I've been saddled with enough pressure from just living that I can't write the things that I want to. I'm getting there, but it's a challenge, and sometimes it beats me. A lot of that pressure is self created, however, and eminently dealable. It's an awfully complicated situation for one that seems so simple.
This is just dealing with my parents, as well - I have endured more than one scornful comment from people who I've met who just found out I'm a student. I've had landlords who have been openly disdainful of me, thinking that I do nothing but sleep all day and party all night on the taxpayers dollar. I've also been denied invitations to social gatherings because of reputations that I've got, denied relationships because of a perceived low social standing, and even come close to violent confrontation because of I'm supposedly a useless drain on society. At the end of the day though, these things are not a major concern for me - I have enough on my plate to worry about without dealing with what some stupid redneck/girl/other drain on society thinks of me.
Anyway, these are just some of the thoughts/things that I'm finding as I go through this part of my life. This last year has had some of the best highs and worst lows that I've ever had, and that bears thinking about because I'd always though that it would have gotten easier to work out as I got older. Anyway, I'll leave it there for the time being.