Diaries Magazine

Thursday 29.11.2012

Posted on the 15 March 2017 by Therealme


I finally I went at “Slavey” to try my corset. The responsible man probably Vincent, didn’t recognize me. It took him a while doing something to it, then I had to take off my blouse and my pants to the knees. I would have prepared myself if I had known I was gonna do it.

I was waiting alone again the second floor hall of Campus 2. Gulben and Andrea came and sat next to me.

[The continuation is based on notes.]

Gulben served me waffle, Andrea ate mekica, I had eaten burek and we discussed food. Andrea went to wash her hands, I used the opportunity to ask Gulben:
-Where are the others?
-Waiting downstairs. Waiting for a bus.
She asked me if I knew it, then explained to me it was a line from a “Solzi i smea” sketch. Thursday 29.11.2012She found it on YouTube on her phone and gave me her headphones to listen. My hands were shivering. No one has done it before to me. I got used to it although there was a couple in bed, but Gulben and Andrea headed outside Andrea to smoke and invited me who didn’t want to be seen with girls, yet I went with them from behind.

In the hall we saw Muhammed and his Turkish friend. We shook hands and I continued with them. Muhammed called me to go with him outside for 5 minutes, I didn’t want and he left his notebook. In A.2 I was thinking where to sit. I secretly wanted behind Reis in the third row, but… I took my old position, Dave sat next to me. Reis kept the place in front of me for Diana. The others came. Al didn’t know where Reis was from – Radanje. Andrea has brought a guest.

Reis and I just looked at each other, I wasn’t afraid.

Muhammed commented to me: “You are a very good man”. He called me “man” for the first time. His Turkish friend was active with him. I asked Muhammed about his leaving, he said he went to Turkey for the weekend, translated by his friend. Ooops, he said even if he goes with his brother, he’s coming back. Ooops, he’s staying, not leaving. He has index.

He invited me to go out, I refused. Then Mike addressed to me from behind:
-Nicky this Muhammed gay.
Using the gay word in front of me and not referring to me? A good thing.
-He’s not gay. – I responded.
He just has a high level of spirituality.

I helloed Ergin first, he asked me if I was fine.

Meanwhile Diana didn’t come, so Reis placed himself in front of me again.

Al suggested to Reis “the insane one” to take a photo of them and he agreed. So, they were talking about me. Let it be.

Muhammed said the others talked a lot after Thomas sitting next to Dave called him, then complained that his head hurt him. I asked him if he had roommates and via Reis translate I was told he didn’t. I commented that it shouldn’t hurt him in that case. Reis refused to go out with Bobby, to which he said:
-You’re gay when you don’t wanna come.
-Wait. Fuck you! – Reis reacted.

Nelson I smiled to me.

I was looking at Reis who noticed it. That’s why I looked at his eyes.

Muhammed was speaking about penis size and showed with his hand ‘till the elbow about Reis’s one. Bobby questioned him where he knew from i.e. if he had seen it. I just smiled.

This time Reis had script. The professor came, Muhammed’s friend had left.

On the Math practices, Gulben asked me:
-What’s going on with you?
The assistant was surprised.
-I’m tired. My head hurts. I’m not OK.
I wanted to know why she came with our group, she said she needed to go somewhere with Muriel later. I asked her what kind of job they had, she told me they needed to ask for voucher. She’s poor, so what?

Nothing with Pete: first I didn’t turn towards him, then he didn’t turn towards me.

Thomas called me on broth, I refused him.

In the yard the Mines 2 were behind me – no action.

On the waiting area I was disappointed a lot. I didn’t reach my target. Either I was wrong, either it was taken away from me. I was waiting alone. Like the others always had someone, I was alone. Then… coming from the distance, Thomas appeared. Usually when I see someone, I don’t look at the person all the time, this time it was different.
-Are you OK? – He asked me.
-OK, but not so good.
-I’m not telling you.
-Tell me.
I asked him where he’s been, but he was persistent to know why, so I told him to guess. He suggested it was about a girl, then presumed Muhammed got mad at me and then it occurred to him it may be Muriel related. At last I opened to him:
-I’m lonely. Nobody hangs me out. I mean, they do, but a little.
Thomas claimed he was the same too, I denied it, to which he asked me who he hangs out with, I pointed out Dave. He didn’t have a counterargument, but he negated.
-Well speak. Talk. – He advised me.
-Tell me what should I do. I won’t get offended.
-Talk, ask “what are you doing?”. You don’t talk.
True. But how can I talk when I don’t even like my voice? Not to mention the appearance.

Muriel came after finishing the job. She spoke to Thomas who went under the eaves, but I respected her privacy.

-Are you friends? – Thomas asked me.
-Muriel should tell you that.
-Shake hands.
I stretched my arm. She grabbed two of my fingers while speaking on her phone. The next time there will be more.

When my bus came, I said to them before leaving “Come on colleagues”.

I was happy, smiling in the bus.

In the evening Barbara wrote to me on Facebook. She invited me to come at her place and download some programs, I said it’s better she to come, but she wanted me to go first.

Thursday 29.11.2012

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