As I was meditating this morning, I was focusing on the last line from a short meditation that I thought I had picked up in a book by Thich Nhat Han: “Breathing in, I see myself as deep space; breathing out, I feel free.”*
I’ve used this meditation many times over the years, but today a thought came to me: Free from or free for?
When I meditate on this line, I always see myself in the middle of deep space way out there, with no stars, planets, or distractions of any kind. But it is dark—no light whatsoever. I am floating—a bodiless speck of nothingness.
With weightlessness comes a bit of peace, of letting go. This is the “free from” feeling that is utter relief: Free from obligations, free from needs, free from worry, fear, and anxiety. I am simply suspended in space.
But this morning as I rested in feeling free, I realized there was another kind of freedom: to be free for, or free to.
Instead of feeling free from all the weight I carry around, I could feel free for action—for taking part in this life and living it. I could feel free to do the things that frighten me.
I’ve always sought sanctuary in feeling free—as if, out there in the deep dark emptiness of space, nothing could harm me or even touch me. I would be free to observe, but not have to participate.
The idea of being free for instead of free from was a revelation this morning. It opened the possibility of coming out of hiding.
Instead of finding relief in meditation, I could find an opening to new possibilities, new ways of being.
Perhaps I could stop micromanaging every aspect of my life and find the freedom to live it in the moment as it’s happening.
A scary thought.
Do I dare?
*Evidently this meditation is from a gatha—a Sanskrit term meaning verse or hymn. This particular gatha can be found at Mindful Breathing Gathas.
