To My Biggest Boy,
I remember when you were just a few weeks old, we were sitting at home and your cousins were taking it in turns to cuddle you - your biggest cousin, Amelie, was about 4 at the time and I remember thinking back to when she had been a tiny baby in my arms.
I remember how it struck me then that the time had gone so very quickly, how her newborn days seemed to have been gone in a flash and now she seemed so very grown up as she sat next to me on the sofa, cradling you in her arms and cooing over how adorable you were.
I remember thinking then that although I knew the next few years would go by quickly, that it was when you reached the grand old age of four that I'd feel as though the baby years were really gone...and I hoped that four wouldn't come around too fast.
I feel like all of this was only a few months ago at most, and yet somehow...here we are. On your fourth birthday.
I don't know what it is about four that strikes me as such a milestone age - maybe it's because this is the year that you'll go off to school (which in itself feels like such a huge step that I'm just not at all ready for!) or maybe it's because four tends to be when little boys and girls start to find their independence, and form their own opinions and ideas about the world around them. But whatever the reason, something about four feels very different than one, or two, or three did.
It feels very "grown up" somehow.
You're a bit unsure about the idea of being "grown up" at the moment - one moment you love the thought of it and you tell everybody all about what a big boy you are, and proudly tell people all of the big words you know. You declare "I'm getting so big now, aren't I Mummy?!"...and it's true, you really are.
But sometimes you seem to find that thought a bit frightening too - sometimes you get upset about it, and you ask me questions like "Will I still be your little boy even when I'm older Mummy? Even when I'm 100?".
In the last few days you've been fretting about not being 3 anymore, asking me "But when can I be 3 again? I really liked being 3"
A few weeks ago we were reading a book about Mummys Little Bear, which saw the bear cub grow taller than his mom and you got very upset about it....you asked me to stop reading it because it was "too sad", and since then you ask these sorts of questions a lot more...I reassure that you'll always be my little boy of course, and this seems to ease your little worries at the moment...but I can feel that more questions about this sort of thing are around the corner. You have such a curious little mind, so full of questions. You remind me a lot of myself in that way, which does scare me a bit as my own anxieties and insecurities started when I was not much older than you are now and to be honest I'm not entirely sure how to manage them if they start to show in you so young too.
But we won't dwell on that now, because today is a happy and exciting day - a day for fun and boy do we have lots of it planned! You've been helping me to plan your birthday party for months now, most evenings you've snuggle up next to me on the sofa and told me "Let's look on Pinterest Mummy!" so we'd scroll through Cops & Robbers Party Ideas for ages and you'd point out all of the things you liked the look of, telling me "Ooh let's Pin this one!"
For your young age, you have a pretty impressive grasp of technology and you are a very smart cookie in lots of ways. You count well, and you're really starting to recognize your letters and numbers now too - you love to pretend to read and write although we don't have any actual words down yet. But I don't worry about those things as they don't hold back your imagination and that is what impresses me most - you have the most wonderful imagination and you are always making up elaborate stories. Ghost stories (Or "haunted stories" as you call them!) are your real favourite, and you tell your Daddy and me a spooky one most evenings...you love to act out the scenes as you tell them, and this isn't just maternal pride speaking but they genuinely are the most interesting little plot lines - I really do think you have the writer gene in you!
The thought of you going off to school in September is a bittersweet one, as I'm so sad that your time spending most of the week at home with me is almost over and I'm worried about all of the usual things that Mums tend to worry about with things like school - will you enjoy it, will you make friends, will you be confident, will you learn well - but at the same time I'm excited for you too, because I know that you're really ready for it. There's so much for you to learn about and I know you will be so excited by all of it. You have such an interest in the world around you, already you're so excited by things like history...ancient egypt and the vikings in particular! And you love to chat about different countries and ask questions about words they use, and things they do differently from us. I just know that things you'll learn about at school will blow your little mind...I just hope your teacher is ready to answer a LOT of questions! ;)
The world is wide open to you little one, you can be anything you want to be and do anything you want to do - how wonderful is that? What an exciting journey to be starting on.
I hope you have the happiest birthday Tyney, and that you have the best time being four - you make me prouder every single day. You are my baby boy and my best little buddy, always.
Lots Of Love,
Mummy xxx
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