My bipolar life works best when I keep it simple, with regular routines. When I start to pack in too much, I get anxious and hyper.
I think I have packed in too much for these next few weeks.
First, I have a family reunion coming up. I have never gone to one yet without getting a bit (or a lot) freaked out—hyper, over-controlling, and anxious.
I love my family (all my five siblings and their extended families), but being with them all at one time is challenging. First of all, you can’t really be with them all at one time. Even if they are in the same space, you can only listen or talk to one or two at a time unless you’re giving a speech.
It is inevitable that I will miss some conversation or activity because I was engaging in some other conversation or activity.
I hate to miss things, to be left out.
My family loves to play games. But if you are playing tennis, you can only include a maximum of three other people in a game of doubles. The same goes for ping-pong. We have tournaments for these, and when I get the wrong partner or play badly myself, allowing my brothers to beat me, I am always disappointed.
My goal since I was a little girl was to beat my older brothers at everything I could. The younger sisters don’t count. Why wouldn’t I beat them???
This year it should be easy to beat my brothers at tennis. One has bad eyesight. One has peripheral neuropathy (nerve-ending damage) in his feet and legs. The other one said that the last time he played tennis, he couldn’t hit the ball at all.
I haven’t played tennis since the last family reunion, but I’m still pretty sure I’d have the advantage. One thing about having older brothers is that eventually they get so old, you can beat them at almost anything.
That doesn’t follow automatically, of course. It isn’t always the older ones who fail first.
At this family reunion, I will have a reputation to uphold also--a reputation for being the crazy one in the family. If I don’t act up and act out, they’ll think I’m over the hill.
At the last family reunion, I drank too much wine. Need to watch that.
This year we’re having a smaller group than we usually do. That should cut down on the frenzy and tension.
I’m going to the reunion with my daughter and two grandchildren. That will help me to stay calm, too. Be the responsible grandmother, not the crazy sister!
I got so involved thinking about the reunion for a minute there, that I forgot about the other stuff on my plate: the Greater Ithaca Art Trail is coming up in a couple of weeks and I’m not ready for it. My studio will be open from 11 to 5 on Saturday and Sunday the first two weekends in October.
I have a long list of prep-stuff to get ready for the open studio weekends. I spent an hour this morning working on one of them. I know how to do this.
Getting ready for the art trail is actually a nice distraction from thinking about the family reunion. For this one time of the year, my studio will be neat and clean and inviting.
I already have the balloons to put out. The grandkids can blow them up for me.
It’s all doable, really.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Me and my sibs at a previous family reunion.
