Torn

Posted on the 31 July 2013 by Lazidaisical @Lazidaisical
I did a stupid thing last night. It was 10:45 pm and a Taco Bell commercial came on while my hubby and I were watching HGTV... And I sent him out to get some. 
It was a regrettable decision, but I do love the little sayings on Taco Bell's hot sauce packages (I not-so-secretly wish I could land some sort of writing gig like that), and they got us thinking...

"Why say no when you can say yes?" "Leave no dare undone" "I'm up for it if you are"
Each little saying brings back memories from my college years, when everything seemed like a bright idea especially if I was stoned; and always being drunk and lost in the middle of the night somewhere in Europe during my newlywed years.
My husband and I wistfully swapped a few of our favorite memories of these times as we gazed at the line-up of hot sauce packets. The middle packet reminds me of him. He's big into daring people to do stuff - particularly dangerous, embarrassing stuff - but now with a three-year-old and another baby on the way, being daring seems frivolous and a tad bit irresponsible, and so I haven't seen that side of him for awhile. Getting us Taco Bell sort-of-late at night without the excuse of being drunk is probably the most daring thing he's done in quite awhile. He would probably argue that it's the most daring thing I have let him do in quite awhile. 
The first packet, "Why say no when you can say yes?," represents me. Or did. I used to put myself in strange, sometimes compromising situations simply to build my character and have amazing stories to tell and write. Now I spend all day telling our toddler no - "No, you're going to get hurt," "No, that's not nice," "No, no, no because I said so." And she is very much like her father and I, living her little life according to the same ethos pictured above, especially the last one. She's forever up for anything and always begging her dad and I for permission to do it all. She'll perform her own made-up dance routines on any public platform ("stage") she can find, her favorite thing to do is mountain climb, and her biggest complaint right now is that she has to wait until her brother is born before we'll take her to Paris.
And while I can look at these empty hot sauce packs and feel mournful for the passing of my and my hubby's young, dumb, and fun years, I can also look at them and cringe, knowing damn well that everything we did when we were younger, whether it was illegal, exhilarating, or life-changing, resulted from some inherent personality traits that we have now passed along to our children, and, it's a strange paradox but, as a mother I'm not quite sure I want my children to grow up identifying so closely, as we were last night, with Taco Bell condiment packets.
(Linking this up to Confession Tuesday)