It was a very difficult weekend last weekend what with one thing and another, and this week has been a long one … we went up to London for a memorial lecture for my father, a real honor but very emotional … Hope was photographed with yet another celebrity (this time Hugh Dennis who delivered the 2013 Stoneley Lecture) and enjoyed chatting to one and all on the train on the way down and back … she also loved crawling the length of Methodist Central Hall after the lecture and was so proud of herself. She and her precious Granby photographed very well … I have had to edit me out of the pictures!
Funny, I’ve been so busy the last few months what with Hope’s new found mobility that I just haven’t had any time for ‘me’ maintenance … somehow in your own head you carry a picture of you looking reasonable. Well I looked at the ‘official’ photo taken that night and flinched … I must must must find some time to repair myself; eyebrows shouldn’t look like large Australian caterpillars, hair shouldn’t resemble an ill kempt bush with gray dried out roots and fly away ends, I’m sure I didn’t used to have that many chins (and I have been loosing weight recently), perhaps one new outfit and a serious review of my make up strategy (currently the stump of an eyeliner and a slighty manky mascara) … maybe a facial … ho hum … it seems wrong to waste the precious time I have when she’s at the child minder when I work / write / tidy frantically before she reappears on indulgent things but I think I might have to timetable in a bit of Ellie maintenance!
Hope’s been very under the weather for the last few days, a bit snotty, a bit coughy and then totally out of the blue she developed almost white poo (sorry for the sensitive readers out there). I of course looked it up online and was faced with possible liver damage so rang the Doctor, he said to leave it and it would pass … two days later still there and now she’s really not sleeping and seems in discomfort poor little soul, and (for the first time ever) she has a bit of a mishap and poo’d in the bath … so anyway, today rather than going to the whole of our wonderful playgroup (which was gutting as it really is the highlight of the week), we went back to the doctor. Hope’s regular doctor this time who examined her, weighed her and said it could be celiac disease so to see how she goes over the weekend and if still not better bring her in for more tests on Monday. Poor Hope was livid to be torn away from her little friends before fish and chips and then to have the indignity of being prodded and poked by not just one but two doctors … but even with all that she still chatted away to them and then beamed and waved as we left. Now she’s asleep and our lunch is in the oven.
Four things this week warmed me in a way that I haven’t felt warmed for a long time, one a conversation with one of Hope’s godmothers in which she offered some help in a generous, thoughtful and wonderful way … that made me cry, the next was coming back into the kitchen to rescue my mother from Hope after the phone call and be presented with a hand drawn Happy Mother’s Day card (love from Hope) with Hope’s drawing inside … my incredible mother had given Hope her box of very special painting crayons and Hope had created her first proper picture, that made me cry more. Then I had a skype chat with one of Hope’s godfathers who made me smile, laugh and ponder abandoning life in Cambridge for a while to have a bit of a life on the road with him … a wonderful idea but sadly not viable at the moment … maybe for a few days in the early summer … Hope is, obviously, already a rock chick!
The fourth and most touching of all was arriving at playgroup this morning to be presented with a tiny teddy in a little bag and the writing “Happy Mothers Day Mummy love from Hope xx” around the top. I wondered if her father had dropped it off there, or one of the women who organize it, I was touched but a bit bemused. Then one of the other mothers came over just before we headed off to the doctors and said it was from her as thought I needed it. This is someone I know very little but who I’ve come to think a huge amount of, her little girl is 4 days older than Hope and we 4 have spent time together most weeks and it’s been wonderful watching the two little girls grow together. Of course this made me cry too … I am so very blessed and Hope is so lucky to be surrounded by so much love … even if her mother really isn’t the yummiest of Mummys.
So there you have it, a difficult few days but made special and very meaningful by the thoughtful gestures of people …
happy Friday … the Ides of March … I know today that I have people around me and loving Hope and I in a way that I can totally trust … unlike poor old Caesar!
