Treading Carefully in New Territory

When we were kids, my cousins all moved to fun locations that made for great vacation memories.  It also meant that when Gramma or Grampa (on either side) needed help, they had to call us.  They weren't able to spread the calls among the family because we were it for little things like mowing the lawn or big things like emergency room visits.  We never just went over for a visit.  There was always an "as long as you are here" list.
Now that Dad is gone, we are keenly aware that we are treading into new territory with her.  It was one thing to offer help when Dad was sick.  He wasn't about to have strangers in him home doing anything.  Thankfully my brothers are quite handy.  There's no way I would have been able to fix the leaky shower in the upstairs bathroom or plow the driveway after the blizzard last year.  Mom was happy to have the help and Dad was happy not to have strangers around.
It all worked well.
Now we're in a new place with Mom.  She needs help.  There's no way she can handle the house all by herself.  The problem is she doesn't want to become my Grams who always had a list when you visited.  Just the other day she said, "I wish you would just come over to visit. I wish I didn't always have to ask for help."
It's important to understand that she wasn't asking me to repaint the house.  She simply needed help getting Christmas decorations down from a cabinet above the fridge.  Even with a ladder she's not tall enough to do it easily.  It's one of the disadvantages of being 4' 10" tall.
We're starting to figure out the system, but not without some growing pains.  Last week I called Mom to say I had a few hours and see if she needed help.  She said she was fine.  A few hours later we make plans to go to a restaurant near her house with friends.  I called back and said, "We'll be down the block about 6:00 p.m.  Do you want us to come over and do anything since we're nearby?"  This time she asked us to stop by and move some empty Christmas decoration boxes upstairs and out of the way.  
What was the difference?  The first call was simply to offer help.  With the second call we were going to be in the neighborhood.  It was a drive-by, not an intentional destination.
At some point we'll find a way to help Mom and let her keep her independence.  It is not easy because every time we help it's another reminder that Dad isn't around to help anymore.  After more than 50 years, Mom is really on her own.