Twilight Vampires Or Not Really Vampires

So this unfortunate month requires me to once again start my day off before the noon sun. When I really think about it, it's for the best. Having early classes gives me more time, in the day. Sounds like a good thing I know, but not when that time is wasted procrastinating. Which brings me to the topic of my blog. Yesterday I didn't quite expect my schedule so I ended up over sleeping making my month start off a day late. Today I had plenty time, (which I apparently wasted). Anyway I went to class got back at around 5ish (maybe don't really remember the details) 5 hours and a half a bottle of wine later I find myself watching the twilight movies broking down everything that doesn't make since about. I'm not here to complain about the movies I'm just here to state the facts I noticed. When I put it all together I realize that these so called Vampires;(air quotes) not quite the vampires Stephenie Meyer makes them out to be. Just ignoring the fact that instead of bursting into flames when struck with the ultraviolet rays of the sun they shimmer like disco balls, but the biggest thing that I noticed. The one thing they can't get away from, the thing that makes vampires; vampires.
THEY HAVE NO FANGS!!!!
   Come on Stephenie, seriously! Not to mention the whole Bella being pregnant thing makes no sense.
Also, the fact they didn't know what to do about it made no sense. According to the story; that was the first time anything like that's every happened. Implying that in the Twilight universe, in the history of existence not a single vampire had gotten laid. Also that Edward was a 200 year old virgin, before he met Bella. (Maybe 200, I really don't know the kid's age) but what I'm saying is that the attributes of the Vampires of Twilight doesn't make them Vampires. Their just pale undead creatures that who eats human flesh. If it wasn't for the sparkling they'd be closer to zombies then Vampires. You're not fooling anyway Stephenie.
The ware-wolves are's kind'a bad-ass though.
One more thing how the hell did Edward and Bella win the golden onion when they were talking through the entire project. I'm sure there were other students who did a much better job because they weren't bull-shiting like those two were.