Two Big Burps, A Fart, and I'm Good To Go!

Heartburn, the scourge of older people. It seems as we age, our innards are much more sensitive then it once was. Doesn't seem to matter what I eat or drink, there are days that I swear a glass of friggin water will give me heartburn.
It's not every day, mind you, just days that have a "Y" in them! I kid you, actually it's just every once in a while. I think it's just my body telling me its pissed off because I ate an extra slice of pizza, or had one more beer than it wanted me too.
I seem to be drinking ENO like it's going out of style some days. If you don't know what ENO is, it's a friggin lifesaver at times. It REMOVES GAS/HEARTBURN. I always know after I mix up a glassful if it is going to work or not within minutes. If I have two good burps, a loud but hopefully dry fart, I'm off to the races and going to be fine.
If none of the above happen, I'm in for an unpleasant time, which usually includes sitting on the toilet for a long period of time till my legs and ass both go to sleep. The one thing I have learned from this, is why all these idiots take their phones into the bathroom with them. It's boring sitting there, it gives you something to do. I use to complain about people taking their phones into the bathroom with them, I don't anymore...
That's why years ago, they didn't use toilet paper like we do today, they used old catalogs, cause they could read, then wipe, with the pages, and the world was all good again!
Anyway, I just sucked down a glass of ENO, and all systems are go, so folks, that's it for me tonite, I'm soon off to bed, hope you have a great night! BB84CBJNBGNM