Two Months Ago
On this day
You came back to me
After seven days of silence
And torment in my heart
And here I am today
Still carrying that torment
The words resonating in my ears
"Violating my privacy,
and I would be insane to let you in"
Echoing, bouncing off the stone walls I was subjected to
Bouncing off of the silent cold stone walls every single one of those seven days
I hurt I cried I was in physical pain
In agony I would pick up my phone
And call my friend in completely different timezone
Why weren't you there for me?
Tears streamed down my cheeks
Onto my ears tumbling down my hair
And onto my touch screen phone
I took you back in two months ago
On this day
Hearing the words I wanted to hear every single day of the seven days
Unfazed, I let you in
Naive, I trusted you with all my heart again
I loved you and let myself cry in your arms
And the moment came when I was punched in my gut again
You would've never told me if it weren't for those tiny bottles I found in your car
It wrenched at me, pulling every fiber of my being
Having not being told
Having to find out like this
Not knowing what it is but something that caused trouble in our relationship
You denied every question I threw
Wanting to know more about it
Denying that it was your mistake
That may be we had found the problem that we may resolve
Denials is all I got
And your door closed on me again
Bruised but stubborn that I had found the problem
I pledged my heart to find the solution
Did your mom do that for you when she kicked you out?
I sent you solutions to everything
Starting to see my world go darker even as I accepted
What was to come
In loving you
In growing with you
I waited for acceptance
Shunned from every little self-respect
From every tiny ray of hope
From all the times I should have been smiling
I'm only 26
I grew darker
...