Recently, my baby girl had her 1st birthday. It was a quiet, uneventful one and I was alright with that since we made the choice to live so isolated in a little countrytown with barely any friends.
My MIL recently sent a package over (3 weeks late); presents for Baby Girl she said.
So we happily opened the package up and showed Baby Girl the presents that she got.
To my absolutely disdain though, a couple of days ago, MIL sent a text and said actually, in that package, this & that was for my elder daughter Ally.
I went and dug out the presents I thought were for Baby Girl to give them to Ally instead and... wait, this can't be right? So all she got for Baby Girl was a little dress, a pair of baby socks and a little baby toy.
Now, this isn't about the money or being calculative. I would not have cared if MIL never sent a package for both my kids or if she got toys for the dollar store. It is the thought that counts; I know that well.
What really offended Husband and I was that for Ally's birthday, MIL sent her a huge box, paid over $30 for postage alone and inside were $70 worth of new clothes and dresses (and I mean a whole stack of new dresses, skirts, tops, pants, shorts of every kind), a few huge storybooks, little purses, little trinklets, little bracelets, money, hairbands, ribbons, art and craft sets.... it was the most awesome box a child can receive! Just for one birthday! And we were as excited as Ally opening the treasure trove.
Alarm bells were ringing in our heads. This isn't right.
When I asked MIL about it, she indignantly said: Well, I was at Ally's birth.
So there obviously, laid the real reason. And she has since gone on to repeat it a few more times as her explanation.
I get it. She feels a stronger bond with Ally because she was at her birth.
And I can certainly understand where she is coming from.
Also, Ally is 7 and Baby Girl is 1. Obviously, there are different things you can get for different ages. I definitely understand that as well. My parents always take Ally out to the zoo and not Baby Girl because obviously, Ally is able to enjoy and appreciate it whereas Baby Girl is too young to know anyway when she was only a newborn. I have no problems with that.
However, such obvious in-your-face i-don't-care-what-you-think unfairness is really appalling and disrespectful.
That's like taking both girls out to McDonalds, tossing one of them a couple of obligatory chips while buying the other a Happy Meal with toy, apple pie, sundae, milkshake. One will be sitting there thinking there is something wrong with her for not deserving the same and the other will be thinking she is extra special!
Quite honestly, neither is ideal. I do not want my elder daughter growing up thinking she should rightfully enjoy extra perks and my baby girl growing up thinking there is something unworthy about her. It is not healthy.
MIL has not made an effort to see Baby Girl ever since she was born too. I do not think she even knows how Baby Girl looks like. If she passed her on the street, she would not have any idea that she had just passed her grandchild. Again, I know it was our own choice/fault for moving so far away. Yet I have to say, I am really shocked and even appalled with the complete lack of interest and worse, the indigence that this is completely alright.
For now, Husband has let MIL know that we do not think it is right or acceptable to be treating both so differently and that her reason of "Well, I was at Ally's birth" is not valid. We cannot control anything beyond that though. Yet this bothers me greatly as I think it can be potentially damaging to both my kids.
Again, I am not whinging about being slightly different. People have their favourites; I think that is an inevitable tendency of human nature sometimes. I am referring to how being so obviously and extremely different in treatment to a pair of siblings is unhealthy.
Do your kids' grandparents have an obvious favourite? Do you think it's alright? What did you do?
Needing some motherly advice and wisdom from the lovely ladies at Essentially Jess' IBOT!
Image Sources: e-card || cartoon
