There aren’t usually days when something bizarre happens to me and I think, now there is a blog post… Oh wait. Yes there are.
LOTS of those days.
Today was no different than that. Let me start in the morning…
It is Bruce’s birthday on Tuesday. Happy early birthday my sweet :) I gave him his present this morning. I know that it is really early but I was excited, and I suck at keeping secrets and he is a relentless present guesser, which wears me down and will eventually make me give it away and ruin everything. This is how I bypassed that. I just gave it to him.
I might add here, that I seem to be nailing this birthday thing. Go me.
I bought him a camera. He has been looking forever, and I just finally thought hey, I haven’t got a bloody clue what to get him for his birthday…so it may as well be that. Yes. Because who doesn’t love getting a new electronic toy when Sagittarius is in retrograde, right? Anybody into astrology will understand the irony of that.
But that didn’t stop me.
It was a great excuse to get out in the bushes today without any wood loading involved.
So we went back to the above ground abandoned mine, as I thought it was time to explore that whole thing a little more. While we were checking out the roads, Bruce spotted a wee little puddle in the middle of the excavation. Now by wee puddle, I mean this.
And it was 27 degrees today…so this looked really inviting. Of course I decided I at least needed to get my flip flops wet.
I was about 5 feet out from the rocky edge when I realized I was in trouble.
Bruce had gone to the truck to get the 22 and the new camera so that he could literally do a little shooting. Ha.
While he was gone, I was getting eaten by the earth.
I took a step back towards the shore, in a different way than I came out into the water. I suddenly realized that my foot was being sucked down into the water without my control. Now, I don’t know if you have ever experienced this sensation before, but it isn’t pleasant. It is eerie and terrifying.
So of course I panicked.
I screamed as I realized I was probably going to lose a foot if I didn’t move fast. Which I did…ripping off my flip flop and leaving me with one shoe and nowhere to step, except my body was already propelling me forward to that next step which predictably sucked my other foot in just as deeply. I then lost that shoe.
Now I am not sure at what point the screaming started or stopped. I just know that I was out of the water faster than a bat out of hell, standing on the rocky shore with no shoes.
Now I can assure you that at this point Bruce was not standing on the shore shaking his head asking me what the fucking hell was going on. Okay, he totally was. Duh.
In to which I replied that the water tried to suck me under and I now had no shoes. And it was rocks. And please get me my shoes back from the Universe.
As these words passed my lips, one of my flip flops spews up from under the water and about two feet in the air and lands in the water in front of me.
Here is proof.
Tell me that you wouldn’t go what the fuck…because what the fuck.
I am now thinking… okay then, the Universe is like, “here…have this cheap shit back sister. We can’t use it for anything and apparently you need it more than us.”
But the thing was, only one shoe got spewed back to the top. The other shoe is still stuck in the mud.
Bruce tells me that I should just go back in and get it, no big deal right? The planet is obviously showing us who is boss but I should just jump back in and deal with it. Not bloody likely.
I need a stick. Of course there is one next to me, that is about 2 feet long, with some branches attached to it. I try to mix it up with this, I hit the mud and hope for shoe retrieval. Nothing.
I then beg Bruce to go get me a bigger stick. He is now annoyed because he wants to shoot some shit and I am standing on the beach with no shoes…begging for a big stick.
He goes and gets me a big stick. I might just mention here, that we are in a quarry… so there are many, many rocks. And only one stick.
I proceed with my shoe retrieval with the big stick and still come up empty. I think I then started to get a little whiny…I was standing on a rocky beach with no shoes and a big stick, whining.
Bruce, being my superhero…then says that since his summer shoes don’t come off that easily he will go in and try and rescue my other shoe.
Except as he says this, I proceed to throw the big stick into the water…away from us. Because I am a dumb-ass, and my brain was not grasping the fact that even though I was done with said stick, the man of my dreams that was saving my $2 shoe would probably need it.
More head shaking.
Duh.
So then he goes into the water, without a stick, into the mud riddled blackness of quicksand and processes for a few seconds what the next move should be. He reaches down into the water, grabbing the quicksand in his hand and randomly hoping for any kind of retrieval.
Seriously. First grab. He finds my shoe…I am not even kidding here.
What are the chances that any of this just even happened? Sometimes I feel like the twilight zone was made just for me. And I am the Universe’s way of laughing at itself.
And it’s awesome.
And I got my 2 dollar shoes back, no harm…no foul.
Though it will probably take me about ten years to live down the fact that I threw the big stick away…
