I think the current billboards for Medieval Times in Myrtle Beach look like ads for "Game of Thrones." The HBO series "Game of Thrones" is a big enough deal in our culture now that even I, a basic-cable guy, get the visual reference.
Since I'm stuck with basic cable, I'm glad the poor-people channels like AMC and FX have taken the past few years to become grittier, showing more skin and gore.
Now even Fox is trying to overcome desensitization with its dark, intriguing new series, "The Following," about a cult of people who obey the orders of a murderous ex-professor who has a religious devotion to the writings of Edgar Allan Poe.
"The Following" has already mixed extra grit into the grittiness, with several bloody, envelope-pushing scenes and a few more square inches of skin than usually appear on the lower channels. The first two episodes have featured Kevin Bacon at the peak of his talent, rendering the most torment I've ever seen in an ex-FBI agent.
These days, critical acclaim seems to follow skin and gore. If a Mack truck hit a stripper on U.S. 501, some New York television critic would give the scene four stars before he even realized it was an accident.
I say all that for a reason. One thing basic-cable people like me overhear the gentry saying about "Game of Thrones" is the program presents a pair of boobs and a decapitation in each episode. I'll admit this has increased my curiosity about "Game of Thrones" -- and, in light of the current billboard campaign, about Medieval Times.
I haven't been to Medieval Times in about two years, but no matter what the changes, I'm going to bet the family-friendly dinner and tournament doesn't have the same presentation as HBO.
That being said, it could.
Medieval Times could stimulate the local economy while presenting a pair of boobs and a decapitation during each show -- for that authentic "Game of Thrones" feel.
For the pair of boobs, Medieval Times need not look far. I've noticed at least three strip joints within about a mile of the castle-like fortress.
At just the right moment during the tournament narrative, a local stripper could enter the arena and, in a tastful, artistic manner, of course, present that evening's boobs. She'd only be visible for a few moments, making her appearance inexpensive. Medieval Times could rotate in a different stripper each night. Furthermore, the castle could start package deals -- for just $10 more, see tonight's boobs dance live! Just board our shuttle for a short ride after the tournament!
As for the decapitation, I was thinking about the ample availability of a certain group of people.
OK, honestly, I don't know who to decapitate. I was going to suggest visitors from New Jersey. After all, they're just going to show up in another wantonly violent program like "The Sopranos" or some mindless, depraved voyeurism like "Jersey Shore." Do we really need that?
But then, if I would make that suggestion, someone really would go decapitate a visitor from New Jersey, and I'd get sued, and I'd have Gov. Chris Christie barking about me on national television. So I'll just go this far: Regardless of who is going to lose his head, the decapitation should come early in the Medieval Times program. Before the meal. No one will ask for seconds. There's some savings.
Those of you who, like me, will remain with basic cable, will never know the excitement of boobs and decaptitations on HBO.
At least we can tune into "The Following" at 9 p.m. Monday on Fox, which so far has held outstanding performances by Bacon, James Purefoy, and Natalie Zea. Plus, the second episode featured Annie Parisse, who keeps showing up in favorite shows like AMC's late "Rubicon" and J.J. Abrams' brainchild "Person of Interest" on CBS. Hopefully, Parisse will be around a few more episodes.
-Colin Foote Burch
