I gave up on my calendar.
I didn’t toss it in a fire, or chuck it in the trash– but I decided not to fill in the blanks between November 20th and December 20th.
I’ve been running calendar-free since then and it’s been a wild ride. I’m a textbook Virgo and being without a schedule causes a sort of mental malfunction. The most noticeable is my tendency to say “Whatever” nonchalantly as if it doesn’t matter– because, believe me when I say, Normal Rara thinks it matters. Whatever it is, Normal Rara has an opinion. There’s a right way to do it, and if she doesn’t know– she will find it.
Free Range Rara however– much like the proverbial honey badger– doesn’t care.
Cover art for Honey Badger Don’t Care (Link)
You don’t believe in textbook Virgos?
Don’t care.
You don’t understand why I start and stop my editorial and life scheduling on the 20th?
Don’t care.
You think I should wear grown up clothes to work?
Don’t care.
You think a well-stocked fridge has more than a half eaten 2lb bag of blue cheese in it?
Doooon’t care!
I have a slab of butcher paper the size of my wall right behind my workspace. It’s my to-do list and normally consists of incredibly detailed notations in 10 day increments. It also has bubbles for ideas and possible projects, and a tentative 3 month plan. I carry two planners with me– both with templates I’ve designed myself to maximize my blogging schedule and life schedule. I also rely heavily on a gmail calendar for work plans and family time alike. All of these things are then monitored and updated through a general wall calendar, and translated to a matching wall calendar which functions on an hourly schedule by is set to London time.
Yes, my schedules have schedules.
Except right now.
I’m free range like a chicken.
I’m crazy like a fox.
I’m wild as the wind dancing with a lumberjack’s toupee.
I’ve also been incredibly unproductive, careless, and belligerent because if it’s not written down–
I don’t have to do it.
If it’s not written down, it’s probably not going to be done correctly– so I’d rather not do it.
Yes, I’m refusing to go grocery shopping because we’ll do it wrong without a list. It makes sense, I promise.
All of this leads into why I haven’t written a list: the tides of my life are doing the wacky dance of change and I don’t want them to sweep me away. It’s not that I particularly love where we are now. It’s just that I don’t want to take a chance on liking where we’re going.
Physically.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
Financially.
I need to make some important life decisions. Time is running out. Everything relates to everything else and a normal person would need a schedule with our current projects– I need all of mine working at optimal speeds. The stress of change wears me down, though, and the possibility of possibility has me gasping for air. I’ve committed to new projects and I’m excited for them. Next year will be awesome and I’m ready for it.
Right now, I feel like the universe has opened a hundred paths to me and asked me to choose– after I’ve spent the last few years building a home on my tiny little rock in the middle of an abandoned pathway.
Right now I need a breather from all this grown up life stuff.
If that means I go to work in leggings and eat blue cheese from a baggy with a spoon, so be it.
Eventually, being a Virgo will trump all other fears. It always does. I’ll wake up, review the options available, give thanks for having them– and put my trust in the long-standing kinship that Virgos have with Time.
All I have to do is flip a page on a planner, and my life is once again fueled with an abundance of time. The empty boxes remind me that I get to decide what I’m going to do to sustain my why– and Time always gives me a fresh new day exactly when I need one. With a little nurturing, I know I can make a to-do list that will light a direct path to my dreams.
Still, until I know for sure what those dreams are and what my why is– I’m off-roading and, weee, it’s a wild ride!*
I couldn’t find a source for this little rebel.
* Well, for a Virgo…
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Are you a schedule-lover or a natural free-ranger? Do you keep a blog calendar? Is there a magical secret to making the right grown-up decisions? Do you know what you want to do when you grow up already?