A friend on facebook shared this one
I would love to have a picnic under one of these trees. And wouldn't lovemaking under pink trees be lovely. In my dreams I guess. My little girl in my Glorious Money Tree novel is going to dream of meeting fairies here soon. Maybe in one of the next few chapters. Her world is filled with magic.
Wouldn't you rather have someone you love sitting here with you instead of harboring upset feelings and not be by your side? Nobody wants their loved ones to leave. We want to have them forever. But we can't control death. That is never easy to deal with. This is a worldwide emotion that nobody should ever be alone in.
I love you because you are you. And I'm glad I never took the offer to move to New York City in the big art world. It once was my dream, and then I moved to Vermont got married and had my four wonderful children with my ex. I thank him very much for that. And I would have never met you. I love you.
How many times have you been the victim of someone else's words? Or have you been the one who said stuff and you wake up in the morning eating your words for breakfast? And are you the type of person who holds a grudge and doesn't speak to the other person? Or are you the one that forgives and forgets?
I would rather be the one to forgive and forget. And I have forgiven people so many times it isn't funny.
Why do people say things that are uncalled for and unnecessary? It happens all the time and people keep repeating their mistakes. Sometimes people just are the way they are, and you can't change them. And we shouldn't waste our time doing so.
A person will only change if he or she wants to.
We also seem to have to watch our words all the time. People always need to be careful on Facebook. People get offended and then you wind up being hurtful to someone or they cause a rift with you. And Facebook keeps a record now, so all these couples divorcing have it as ammunition. And we have to be careful not to post pictures of our children as the world is a scary place. I've posted a few once in a while as I like to have family see what my children look like. I talk about my children on my blog because they are my children. But I don't put my nieces or nephews names on it anywhere.
Usually we don't mean it when we're on Facebook chatting. Sometimes it might be something so simple and we might think it's harmless, but someone else is bothered by it. This is when we need to be kind and not do it again.
When there is someone in the hospital and in pain, it is a given that family members will be stressed out and worried. It's better to let your family members know so that they can be there for you. Everyone goes through it at one time or another. Good god, I went through it with Mom. It was hard having her in the hospital, going through chemo for three years, remission and then having it come back to her liver. It was hard on the whole family. Nobody wanted to see her go. She was a community person and she was the glue that kept the whole clan together. It wasn't easy for any of us to lose her. She went way too young. She only lived half a life. It wasn't fair. But I would rather let my family know that it's hard on me. Hey, I wasn't alone. It was hard on them too. I'm sure it was even harder for them to be there when she died. I missed that, due to a high risk pregnancy. And Mollyanne was born three days after. It wasn't easy to part with my mother and I miss her every day.
It makes me disgusted with posting on Facebook. It seems like everyone gets so paranoid about what you write. You really have to be so careful. Even if you think it is harmless, someone else isn't going to like it. I don't go around telling family my private business, but I do like to talk about the basic things. Fun things I do with my boyfriend or kids, etc.
Family that are not living right near us like to keep updated on the fun things. Don't plaster your private stuff and things that you want to gripe about on Facebook. Unless if you have something you want to complain about, like the price of gas or O'Bamma, etc... We all like to complain about things like that. Or the fact that Casey Anthony got away with murder, and where is that missing Vermont couple? Or the fact that Beyonce's dress showed a little too much that we didn't need to see.
But it's a given if someone starts badmouthing someone on Facebook or anywhere that it's not nice and not called for.
I don't do that. Sometimes I do address a concern I have and want some answers.
How many of you get nasty to someone in your family or a relationship? It's your tone of voice that shines through as mean and not nice. Nobody wants to hear you holler at them all the time. We don't like it when someone might tell us to stop doing some things that we love to do.
People have to stop and think that I was a writer and an artist long before some people knew me and nobody is going to tell me to stop doing what I love. If they make me quit what I love to do, make me stop writing my novels, writing at my blog, creating art, knitting and so on, I will politely show them the door. It will have an exit sign on it. It would be like telling my brother to stop running or my sister to stop gardening or some other thing that she likes to do. I would just never tell anyone to stop doing what they love.
And actions tend to speak louder than words. Haven't we all heard this before? Have you ever been on the phone with people all happy to talk with them and almost every time, they decide to cut you short after a few sentences and end the conversation? They just don't want to talk. Sometimes they may have good reasons for doing this, but they shouldn't all the time. But some people aren't phone talkers. My best friend in Florida is one of them.
How can people say one thing and then just don't do what they say? This applies to anyone. If you say you are going to do something, you should follow through.
And it goes for relationships too. Have you ever been in a relationship where someone says they love you and then they are always snapping at you? Practically yelling if they don't like something you are doing?
Usually it is the little things that get them going and suddenly you see the eyes rolling and you know they are mad. Well, you didn't know, you're not a mind reader.
I don't like being snapped at all the time. It's not a fun thing. And I do like being listened to. I don't like to talk to a wall and feel like I haven't even been heard. Conversation is a too way street. You need to practice being a good listener and know that you should be responding too. And stand up for yourself when you don't like something. But we all talk to a wall sometimes. This is usually when someone is distracted, and thinking of far away things. Or maybe a conflict with something that the person has on his or her mind. We all do it. How many times have we been thinking of something involved and our kids try to get us to listen to them and we have to ask them to repeat what they just said? I've done it.
How many of us have had our children say they hate us? I'm one of them. I don't think you are a parent until you have heard something like this come out of their mouths. I'm sure I told my Mom or Dad that I hated them once or twice. And once I told my sister that I wished she was dead. Then Mom told me that I should never say that. Then she went on to say, "How would you feel if she died tomorrow? You would miss her."
If someone tells you you should quit your job and find something better, do what is right for you. If you know it works than stick with it. Don't let someone sway you into something you don't want. Learn when to listen to someone and when to let it roll in one ear and out the other.
I'm a person that tries to practice being nice on a regular basis, but I don't like it when someone decides not to return the niceness.
I like to be with people who are happy to see me. And especially if you haven't seen someone in two or three weeks or months or a year, you don't want to spend it being nasty to each other.
So anyone who can recognize when you are being snappy, mad and mean to someone else, learn to stop what you are doing and have a nicer time with the person. They've probably missed you and just want to see you.
And you have to learn that we're not all alike and we're going to do things differently. You can't make everyone do everything the way you would like it to be. We're not from the same mold. I'm going to not care how my clothing comes out of the dryer, and I definitely don't get mean and nasty when someone doesn't do things the way I would like them to do it.
I'm a laid back, easy going person with a happy disposition. I don't get angry unless if someone is being nasty to me, then I will let them have it.
I stand up for the things I believe strongly in. And one of them that I'm not backing down on is writing my novels, blogging, making art, knitting and any other hobby I like to do. I've been doing them for years and I'm not about to stop for anyone. And I'm going to self publish more novels, whether people don't want me to spend the money on it or not. I'm going to spend a few hundred to get them published and in print, because I labored, blood, sweat and tears into them and I want them in print in the end to have something accomplished and to have copies for my kids. I think it would be a great legacy for them to have a pile of novels that I have written. My kids are proud of everything I set out to do. I haven't made a lot of money with it, but that's not the point of doing something you love and are passionate about.
And I'm not going to quit Ebay either. It works for me, and I get to spend more time with my kids because of it. I hate it when people say you should quit something. It's so negative and not needed.
So, keep in mind anytime that you don't like something that someone has done or said think before you speak as you could cause a rift or a fight. And if you're the one dishing it out, expect to get something in return. We will put you in your place.
I don't care if you're a friend, family member, husband, boyfriend or what ever. Think before you speak. And be polite and kind instead of snappy and mean about things. You could sway someone the wrong way.
And any relationship takes time to grow, but you both have to compromise and learn what someone likes and what someone doesn't like. I don't like being taken for granted either.
And if people are nice and do the things that you want to do for them, then it's also nice to give a little in return.
Even if the person is just asking that you kiss them. You can't not kiss. That's not allowed in a relationship.
A relationship is give and take. Any relationship is this. And things that others feel strongly about, it is nice to abide by it and not do things to spite them.
Like for me, it is knowing that things need to be clean, dishes put in the dishwasher and other little things. As any relationship grows, we learn what other's pet peeves are and we don't step over those boundaries.
And for me, I like some of my craft stuff with me while I am doing stuff. I'm not going to get down to someone's house and shove it all in a closet. Especially in a relationship.
Don't we all have to get used to having the other person's stuff around? And when you get into a relationship, you have to be willing to change and adapt that things are going to be a little different than it used to be. No relationship is perfect, but you have to learn to pick your battles.
When to speak and when to let sleeping dogs lie. Think about it before you say it. Is this going to hurt the relationship? Am I going to make the person walk away? What do you want your relationship to be? Happy or miserable?
And sometimes when people say mean things, you also have to think about it this way. Did they really mean it? Or is just their stress and problems talking for them? Some people are under a tremendous amount of stress and you just have to know when to just sit back and let them work it out.
And then there are others that do it on a regular basis and it's just not called for.
You have to learn to know when to speak up and when to let the small things just collect dust on the shelf. All the small things are nothing and people should just learn to let them slide. Can you imagine what this can do to a relationship if you made a big deal about all the little things?
A relationship is being happy in the moment, glad that they are with you, and having fun. Doing things
together, being by each other's side. Not fighting. Nobody wants to fight. It's not good for any relationship.
How many of you have had a fight with one of your family members about anything, whether it be little or big? And it is so true that your family will be the ones that anger you the most. They are the ones closest to you and only want what is best for you. They are willing to dish anything out to get their point across, whether they are being nice or not.
Don't we all wish that our families would just learn to shut their mouths? I'm not a stranger to this. I have had lots of family members say things to me over the years. My sister thinks she can be my mother sometimes now that my mother is gone and sometimes I just grin and bear it. And other times I will say what I think.
And you can't divorce your family. They are usually with you for life. You can't pick your family either. All people come with their own opinions, values, morals, goals, dreams, pasttimes and on and on. The world isn't a melting pot for nothing.
But I will say that the world would be a nicer place if people could just learn to be nice to everyone all the time. Wouldn't that be a peaceful planet?
And this morning, I had to laugh at someone's picture post. It was the saying, "If everyone in the whole world would smoke pot at the same time, there would be world peace for two hours."
And I bet it would be true. But I still wouldn't smoke pot ever.
Everyone needs to learn to be calm, learn to breath and then sit back and enjoy the moment in the present as we all know that life is just way to short to stay mad at anyone.
We all have flaws. Nobody is perfect. And every relationship is different. There is no right way or wrong way in a relationship.
Except for any type of abuse. I would draw the line on that stuff. I know from experience on that one.
And don't we all want to be happy? We all deserve to have good things in our lives. We're all human. We all have needs and want them met. We all have goals and dreams and any good relationship deserves to be worked at, refined, polished and perfected to what we want it to be.
If a relationship is destined to be, it is worth the effort.
I love my family, am good friends with my ex and I love my boyfriend. I would do anything for him.
And I'm also glad that I am a model parent for my children. I would much rather see that they are happy children instead of forced to be choosing sides. No child wants to hear their parents fighting all the time.
Nobody likes a fight, but it seems that it happens all over the world. Why do people fight and want to encourage conflict? It's beyond me.
I'm just hear to enjoy life, as who knows when our time is up. And death is the absolute worst. If there was a phone in heaven, don't we think we would all be getting a call from them to just go on and be happy?
And I know that I will be someone's rock if they need to lean on me at any given time. I'm a family girl brought up with close family ties and I vow to stay that way. I was brought up with good morals and family values and my parents nurtured me and taught me right from wrong.
But, I say things from time to time that maybe I shouldn't have. I don't think anybody can go through life without ever saying things that we shouldn't have.
It helps us learn to grow strong and have firm wings to discover new things about ourselves. And only you can change yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. Nobody else can make your choices for you.
I'm an artist and a writer and I'm always trying to change myself. I listen to criticism and take what I need.
It sure is nice to have everyone give you compliments, but it also is good to hear it when someone wants you to better yourself, be a better writer, etc...
A while ago, I got criticism that I wasn't doing my poetry right, and as I thought about it, there were things I didn't know about poetry and I'm learning how to do it differently. But overall, I'm going to choose my words to make my writing what I think it needs to be.
Everyone has their own voice and style of writing. Mine just comes from my head and I write what pops into it. I don't really pull too much from other books that I read. I just go off on my own tangent.
But, to end this: Choose your words wisely, or you could be eating them for breakfast. And who wants to fall asleep every night knowing that we have hurt someone, and then wake up in the morning thinking that we are miserable because now we know we have to make an apology? Not me.
I am the kind of person who likes to just go with the flow, try to achieve my goals and be the best girlfriend, mother, sister, sister n law, daughter, friend that I can be to people.
And in all relationships, you need to love yourself first, then the real friends will flock to you. Be happy and it will reflect on everyone surrounding you.
Your family loves you no matter what. You have them forever. They will be with you through the good times and the storms that come your way. We're good listeners. We know when to respect your wishes, and if we don't it's important to talk about the things that are bothering you. Don't let things go unsaid if it's going to really knaw at you.
Everyone needs to learn to get things off their chest. People shouldn't let things bottle up. That's when we know a tornado is coming to visit anyone who is near. Haven't we all walked in on something that we wish we could walk away from?
We come into the room and think, "Maybe we should just go somewhere else until this all blows over."
For me, this would be the evening that I caught my Mom with those old fashioned housecoats slamming the metal frying pan against the kitchen door. She was mad at Dad for some reason. That has just stuck with me. She wasn't one for picking fights sometimes, but when she didn't like something, she would be stubborn. I get that from her. I'm stubborn. My children are stubborn. It's my family thing.
Once my dad got an opportunity to move into my Grammy's house after she died, but my Mom was stubborn and wanted to stay in Redbank to be a few streets away from my Nana and Grampy. She didn't want to move away from where she lived her whole life. She liked it and I liked it. I'm glad I grew up where I did.
It was an idyllic time, mother's didn't work outside the home and children had the whole neighborhood to play in. My Nana and mom's friends were always visiting and we all were sitting out in lawn chairs all summer long.
And I write and do all the hobbies that I like to do, because it's in my bones. I grew up knowing that this was what I wanted to do my whole life. And I have an aunt who once told me that art and writing will be with me all my life. I'm not going to stop for anything, unless if someday I don't have my arms and hands to be able to do it. When my body begins to someday fail, that is when I stop.
I stop for nothing else.
But I will stop saying something if someone doesn't like it. I respect people's wishes. And all I request is happy relationships everywhere. That's not asking for the world. Just piece of mind and a little bit of contentment.
Jennifer Jo Fay
Copyrighted July 10, 2012