For me, my relationship with my body has pretty much been swaying from "My body is amazing for what it's done" to "I could cry every time I look in the mirror". A woman's relationship with her body is an incredibly personal one and one that has brought me so much confliction and sadness over the years.
Earlier this year someone really trampled on my self-esteem. No, trampled isn't the right word. They took what little esteem I had and tore it into tiny pieces and let it blow away in the wind. They probably have no clue what they did, too consumed in themselves to notice the impact of their actions or damage they caused and now I'm left to try and rebuild that damage.
Through this time, I felt worthless. My body covered in the imperfections of pregnancy and two major abdominal surgeries from the birth of my children, the dreaded section overhang, breasts that had fed my son for 16 months - whilst I wouldn't change that, when I looked at others with flawless bodies, I knew my own body would never look like that again. No matter how hard I tried. My annoying relationship with myself meant that I would be damn proud one moment and then hate every inch of skin the next.
When you look at insta perfect images on social media or if you have had personal attacks on your happiness, it's hard to shake the feeling that you just can't measure up to these other seemingly perfect women. For me, this made me angry and so incredibly frustrated that I let others take away my happiness and self-worth.
But two weeks ago my husband told me to buy the bikini, to wear it with confidence. I was in a "fuck it" kind of mood so I tried it on.
I clutched the bikini and went to the fitting rooms to see just how hideous it made me look, I was fully prepared for a changing room meltdown. Once I had worked out how to put the bikini on (why do they insit on making it so difficult?!) I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. What I saw made me smile. It highlighted that I have a small(ish) waist, it boosted my mama boobies and didn't make me hate my section tum. In fact, I actually liked what I saw.
We headed to the beach, just the two of us for one of our magic Mondays (a Monday with no children!) and I wore the bikini with a big smile on my face.
I felt confident and beautiful and I could feel my self-esteem starting to build. We relaxed in the sun, took a dip in the North Sea and got weird sunburn marks. I had fun, I relaxed and I felt proud to be my husbands wife.
Body positivity. It's something I didn't think I had. Today my husband said to me "fuck it wear a bikini, you're gorgeous". So I did. If you said to me six months ago, heck even six years ago and said wear a bikini, I would of turned around, laughed and followed by a huge NO. We headed to the beach and I wore my bikini. I felt comfortable and happy with my lumps and bumps. I've set myself a challenge to lose a stone by our holidays as I had become stuck on a rut after losing half a stone a few months back. I've lost 2lbs this week and I've worked out each night and I feel so good. Learning to love your flaws definitely helps you to love your body and treat it better. So thank you hubby for grabbing my phone demanding to take so snaps as I apparently (in his words) look like a 1930s model and giving me the confidence to wear a bikini again. Love your Mr B xxxx #bodypositivity #happiness #selflove #selfcare #suffolk #beach A post shared by K Elizabeth (@mummyb_kw) on Jul 16, 2018 at 6:43am PDT
It's funny how our relationships with our bodies constantly change. What isn't funny is how women can treat each other. It absolutely flaws me just how awful women can be to each other, questioning their choices, the way they choose to parent, trying to break up marriages, sly digs on social media, passive aggressive comments and so on and so forth.
One woman who did inspire me was Kate from WitWitWoo who constantly encouraged others to be confident with who they are through her own battles with weight/appearance her bold and no bullshit approach always made me smile. Kate sadly died unexpectedly, leaving behind her two sons. The whole blogging community was left in complete shock but came together to celebrate this wonderful woman, they've raised in excess of £13,000 for her boys. What's more is that women have been sporting their bikini's in honor of her to #bemorewitwitwoo which has resulted in so many women leaving each other amazing comments, giving us all confident boosts.
So if you have a negative relationship with your body, go and give it some love. I'm not talking about hitting the gym or eating well (of course, we all know we should do that) but go out, buy the bikini or outfit that makes you feel good. Hold your head high and remember what us mums selflessly put our bodies through when we become mothers. Your body is amazing just as you are, now stop hiding and #bemorewitwitwoo.
If you've been inspired by this story I would love for you to donate to Kate's memory to help support her boys, as well as sporting your bikini!
K Elizabeth xoxox
