If you haven't caught up on Jersey Shore then you don't get the "Meatball Problems" part of the title but what matters is that too often I have trouble falling asleep. The last month was crazy active and fun which kept this problem at bay. I'd get home at whatever time from whatever event of the night and pass the eff out...but not tonight. I'm not sure what the issue is considering the past three nights I've been up later than 3am and woken up early to work all day (yikes a bunga). So you all know by now that Sunday nights are usually a high quality night out for me but at around 7:30pm I crashed. I could barely keep my eyes open at Rhino and decided to head home instead of venturing out with the group. I got home, had something to eat, and popped on a television show for an hour or so but could feel my eye lids starting to close. Why is it that as soon as I turn the light off to go to asleep that all of a sudden I'm wide awake? Tossing and turning and completely unable to turn my g.d. brain off...FML.
So one of the very irritating (yet hilarious) parts of this is that all throughout the thinking, I'm also singing, "Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnnnn" over and over and freakin' over! My Little Mermaid and I have been loving on this song all weekend and now I'm paying the price! Other than that my thoughts are all over the place:
1) What time will Brittany want to go to the gym tomorrow?2) I wonder if I'll work upstairs or downstairs at Rhino tomorrow for MNF.3) What the heck am I going to wear to the golf tournament next week?"Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnnn!"4) OMG I get to go to The Whale with Meghan on Friday!5) I should ask Britt if she wants to go to Tyson's to look for a Zinzi dress.6) I can't believe it's Oct 17th already, it's almost freakin' Thanksgiving!"Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnnn!"7) Shoulders and back hurt, could use a massage. How much does that cost?8) Oh hey I need another job.9) Maybe by next football season I'll be sitting on the customer side of the bar watching the games. "Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnnn!"10) My feet are hot.11) That sushi was yummy on Wed night. What the hell is the name of that place?12) Will I have to dress up for Halloween? Probably, what should I wear?"Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnnn!"
Sweet Jesus.
Anyway, I caught up on Grey's Anatomy tonight. The quote that is said over the montage of final clips in the episode from two weeks ago got me thinking. Granted, it is an incomplete thought because it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm close to delirious but it was still a thought none-the-less.
"Be a man," people say all the time. But what does that even mean? Is it about strength? Is it about sacrifice? Maybe it's more simple than that. You have to know when to not man up. Sometimes it takes a real man to set his ego aside, admit defeat, and simply start all over again.
I say it all the time, "be a man!" Actually, I usually prefer to say "man up" but what does that really mean? For me, to "be a man" or to "man up" is less about what it actually means to be a man and more about doing the opposite of what a child or a weakling would do. To "man up" in the situation of say doing a job that you don't want to do, you are recognizing that whatever it is just needs to get done. To "man up" in the case of Oscar lining up a row of shots full of liquor you know you don't need, you are "playing like a champ" and steering clear of the "wuss" label by just doing it. To "be a man" in the sense of confrontation is to be brave enough to stand up for yourself or your friends. Basically, we use this saying all the time in both serious and stupid situations.
Oh my gawd, Brain, shut the hell up!However, in terms of actual men, I often find myself wishing, hoping, whining, and complaining that they "man the eff up!" But what do I mean when I say that? Is it about strength? Yeah, I want him to be strong and steady. I want him to have physical strength, duh because it's hot, but I also want him to have the emotional strength to say what's on his mind. Is it about sacrifice? Hmm, that's tricky because I'm feeling like "sacrifice" can carry negative undertones in this type of scenario. I don't think it's about sacrifice. I wouldn't want a man to feel like he's giving up a part of his life for me, it doesn't work like that. Go do you. Do what makes you happy and only let me enhance that. "Be a man." Maybe it's more simple than all of that and it's about knowing when not to man up. It's knowing when to live and let live without worrying about being a man, a testosterone and penis driven man.
Maybe I just shouldn't even go there about you with the penises and I'll apply it to myself instead...Sassarella, it's time to man up. I had a melt down last week because I can't get motivated. I can't get my ass in gear to get another J-O-B. I figured out by the end of the melt down that it's partly because I'm not ready to be that serious about life in general just yet. I remember throughout most of college, until senior year that is, that even when I was supposed to be having fun I had that "should be" feeling. "You're having fun right now but you should be in bed because you have class in the morning." "You're having fun right now but you should be in the library studying for that midterm next week." It was the worst, nagging, sub-conscious feeling and I'm avoiding it like the plague. However, it's game time and I, Sassarella, need to man up. It's unfortunate but true. Ahh well.
13) I need a face-to-face vent session with Lauren.14) How long is this happy gonna last? Why do I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop? "Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnnnnn!"15) I'm going to get sh!t at work for this post so I'll just say it now...no, that part of the post was not written about a certain dude. It was merely general thoughts, ya buttheads! "Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnnnnn!"16) While you guys are making fun of me, remember, YOU READ MY BLOG :-)17) And I love that. I really do. "Hopped up out the bed, turn my swag onnnn!"
Sassarella Says...so here I sit, sleepy and weird at now almost 4AM writing a blog post. Hope you enjoyed the word vomit, stream of consciousness, & words of wisdom but I think I'll go back to bed.
