Diaries Magazine

Well, Hello There!

Posted on the 06 October 2016 by Redneckprincess @RdNeckPrincess

It has been approximately 2,000 years since I have posted anything here. I apologize. Sometimes life is just too crazy to make time for the things we love. Or Clarity. Or happiness.

Well that has all changed for me in the last few months. I have changed pretty much my whole life.

It’s a long story, but let’s just say that I wasn’t living for me. I wasn’t honoring myself, my worth or my happiness.

Life is way to short to not live being true to who you are when you are nearly 52 years old. I finally snapped out of it…I am now on the road to being who I am. I have made the decision not to try and save other people…God knows I should be looking at my own self and working on that. I am not here for any other purpose than to be the fucking best I can be at everything I love and want to do.

So for all you folks who look like you need saving…sorry but I am not in the game anymore. Life is a bitch but you are on your own. Take responsibility. Own your shit. Fix yourself. No one else is going to be able to do that for you. I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to see my pattern clearly and to understand that I can’t make myself better by ignoring my own issues and trying to fix everyone else’s. That was a pretty big eye opener for me…my ego got knocked down a few hundred floors. Who the hell do I even think I am?

I will tell you who I am…

I am just a  little girl that somehow got lost along the way. I am scared. I am vulnerable. I am raw. I am happy, blessed and grateful. I am so many feelings all at once that sometimes it makes me dizzy. But today, I am FEELING it all. I am owning my shit. I am learning slowly that I am worthy of great love. I DESERVE great love! I am not here to make anyone else feel better about themselves. I am here to be honored, adored and cherished.

And finally. FINALLY. I get that. I am so far from finished learning who I am that sometimes I just want to go to bed and sleep forever. It’s not easy facing yourself. It’s a hard road opening your eyes when they have been closed for as long as you can remember.

But holy hell, when that little ray of light shines through the crack in the armour, it is like nothing that I can even put into words. It is such a pure and clear emotion it makes me wonder why it has taken me this long to literally see that light. I know that it has always been there and I have just been too afraid to face my fears and my own demons. Ignoring it and doing what I always did, staying in my comfort zone and my pattern of unhealthy love was just easier.

Or so it seemed.

Today I know better. Today I know that there are things far bigger than me that have been showing me the signs for years and years. I needed the path I have been down to learn the lessons…

I know most of my friends are like, ya…no kidding sister. And right now I want to say thanks to all of you…you know who you are. We have always been here for each other, without judgment we stand by each other. We catch each other when we fall and help each other to stand back up again and face what’s thrown at us. We are sisters. And I am so amazed to have every one of you on my team!

Life is so good, it’s time to start living it for me!! Look out world!!

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