I've said before, many times, that I always believed, in fact was adamant that i never wanted children.
I grew up with my now Husband, ours lives entwined into one. We focused our energy completely on each other. We lived for each other, we did our own thing. If we were different, weird, well that was okay. We had our bubble.
I think we reached 'that' stage, so in love we wanted a mini-us, we wanted to start the journey of parenthood. This completely new, different way of life. We were ready.
Finding out we were expecting started something for us, a bubble of sheer excitement, we got married a week or so after and all of our dreams came true. Having Ethan, our Son, just made our bubble float even higher.
And being a Mum well, yeah, it's like being in a bubble of 'wow'. Having a child, a baby it's magical. It truly is.
But it's hard..
And when I say hard, I mean hard.
Maybe not for all women, but for me it's a big life adjustment and I'm still making it, even right now as I type.
You see, my life has changed in more ways than I can describe. I have changed, I've had to. I'm a Mum now. I do 'Mum' things. Before, I could go to bed and watch TV if I felt like it or when I was ill I could rest on the sofa all day feeling sorry for myself. I could shut myself away from doing things that 'aren't really me' such as play groups and cooking and when my back pain got really bad I could say 'No that's it, I can't do anymore'. But that's not life anymore.
Now I am someones hero, I'm their role model. And not just on a 9-5 Monday to Friday basis. 24/7.
Now, saying I'm not a very confident driver so I'll avoid driving, isn't good enough. Now, saying I can't cook so I won't, isn't good enough. Now, saying I'm in too much pain today so I won't move, isn't good enough. Now, saying, I'm not great in social situations so I won't go out very often, isn't good enough.
And today that clicked.
You see it's just not good enough because it's not just me that I'm affecting anymore, it's my beautiful little boy that deserves the very best I can give. And he really does deserve the best. I want him to be proud of his Mummy and know that his Mum does the very best that she can to make not only him but herself a happy and a more better, more confident, independent person.
Being a Mum is hard, it's stressful, it pushes you to find strengths that you never knew you had, it forces you to change your perspective but my god it is so so worth it. It really is.