Learning the ropes as a parent
And do you care?If someone from school has to ring you up, who do they as for? Do they ask for so-and-so's mom or do they use your name. Do they always get it right? If you the kind of family where everyone has the same surname, then you're probably wondering what I'm on about. Of course they call you Mrs X...
But despite two marriages I've never really been a Mrs and never had my husband's name. I like mine too much.
It's not unusual with modern families as they are, often the kids' second names aren't the same as mum's or as dad's.
Actually, it's not "modern" at all, in fact, you could argue that to have the same name as your spouse and therefore your kids is, possibly, becoming the old-fashioned option. And then there's that whole thing about why should a woman take a man's name.. why shouldn't he take hers? Or should you hypenate your way into a whole new can of worms?
In this house we have three surnames between five of us.
If school or nursery rings then I don't expect them to know what my name is, just who I belong to. Good lord, I take my hat off to teachers for remembering the names of all the kids they are responsible for, I certainly couldn't. I don't imagine for a minute that they will know what my name is and if they do, it's probably because we've been drawing attention to ourselves and not in a good way.
This week my lovely cousin, who is a teacher, married her lovely chap, also a teacher. We chatted at the reception and I wondered if she was taking her name. I don't care if anyone does or doesn't, I'm just nosy that way.
What she said surprised me. She said she was changing her name to her new husband's because of her experiences with parents of her pupils.
She told me that when you had to call a parent and if you mistakenly assumed the mother had the same name as the child the error could spark a cross and rude reaction.
She said: "They expect us to know and even when we look up the records to check the information might not be there. It's just really, really difficult."
I've never been concerned when a teacher has called asking for Mrs S.... or Mrs L.... depending on which child they're interested in. I often don't even bother to correct the mistake, after all it's not about me it's about my kids.
Do you care what your teachers call you? Would it be enough to make you change your name?
