I would like to think of the mobile applications -- "apps" -- on my Android phone as frequently used time-killers.
I'm a nerd, so I have several news-media apps on my phone. When I'm bored, I'll just open an app and see what's happening, clicking from app to app for information that would cause most people to become bored.
If I was normal, I'm sure I'd have Angry Birds. If you have an Angry Birds app, you're probably hip.
Presumably we download apps to our phones because we use them regularly. That's where I'm confused. I haven't been able to understand one widely advertised app: the SERVPRO app, available for Apple, Android, and Blackberry devices.
SERVPRO is a cleanup and restoration company. When fire or water damages your property, SERVPRO is like Harvey Keitel's Winston "The Wolf" Wolfe in "Pulp Fiction" -- speedy cleanup.
As the SERVPRO ads suggest, if you have the SERVPRO app on your phone, you have a convenient way to get in touch with the company following property damage.
Which is great, except I'm wondering what that app says about the person who downloads it.
If apps are frequently used things, we have to assume that the guy with the SERVPRO app is subject to "a series of unfortunate events," with emphasis on the word "series."
By downloading the SERVPRO app, you're saying, "I like to smoke in bed."
Or, "More often that not, I leave the water running in the bathtub."
Perhaps, "What's a surge protector?"
Maybe, "When I place something on the stove and leave the kitchen, I wind up remodeling."
Or, "I like to set my lawn sprinkler next to open windows."
Could be, "I let my kids play with fireworks in the backyard."
Or, "My family puts out their cigarettes on my carpet."
If any of these things are true of you, there's an app for that.
-Colin Foote Burch
