I should probably put a disclaimer at the top of this post before I even start, but ya know what? Fuck it, I am not going to. Mostly because I don’t give a shit how the dogs of the world feel.
So there. Sue me assholes.
Oh and maybe one that declares that I am going to say nearly every single swear word I know in the first five seconds…cover your children’s eyes…
So here is the story, well my version of it. And really my version is all that matters at this point, or like, ever.
Recently I met a man in probably not the best of circumstances, but that doesn’t really matter. It’s my story, remember?
There were looks passed, interest sparked.
Now I am not in any way interested in having a relationship with anyone right now. I am useless and good to no one, that and I just don’t have the energy, but a little bit of flirting is always good for the ego right?
So he starts to chat me up, tells me he is not from around here, he is visiting from back East. His Dad has just passed away and he is here getting things straightened out.
First mistake on my part, sympathy.
So we continue talking, he is here for the week, blah blah blah…
The flirting continues, he takes it up a notch. How beautiful I am, why am I single, how he would like to spend some time with me…the usual stuff. I am of course flattered. My self esteem can certainly use a boost these days.
I have already checked his finger. No ring. But there is just something about him that isn’t sitting right at this point.
So I come right out and ask if he is married.
And guess what his answer is.
“Yes. I am.”
Now I guess at this point I should give him credit for at least being honest with me right?
Tough, not going to.
I then tell him, that I am not in any way interested in “hanging out with him” if he is married. First off, I don’t do casual sex…and why would I want to hang out with someone else’s old man? Seriously.
I walk away.
Now, I don’t know what it is about men, but the second you walk away, say no, stop showing any interest at all, they are fucking ON you.
Not ten minutes later he asks me to dance.
For some ridiculous reason, I do.
He is a great dancer, and I love dancing. Second mistake.
I should also say here that I had had a couple of drinks, and when I was dancing with him the thought occurred to me that maybe it would just be fun…right?
But then he said the words out loud “no one would have to know” and for some reason, thankfully…I dropped straight back to earth.
Hard.
All of a sudden all I felt was angry.
And sad.
And degraded.
I walked away again.
He follows me to the table and apologizes if he has hurt my feelings.
Well how the fuck did you think it would make me feel you thoughtless jerk?
I look him straight in the eye and tell him, that I deserve more in life than to be some sad, lonely, married guy’s plaything for a week.
There is absolutely nothing that I am going to get positive out of that little proposition is there?
And I am nearly 100% sure that you aren’t gonna be worth the effort buddy. I know from past experience, like way in the past, that no good ever comes from treading on forbidden ground.
So with tears in my eyes, and my feelings a bit more broken than when the night started, I packed up my stuff and walked out the door.
In the end, I am thankful that I had the guts to stand up for myself, that my sense of self was strong enough to know that I deserve better than to be temporary entertainment, and that I had the good sense to walk away, there have been other times in my life, where I might not have, and would have regretted it.
It’s just not who I am or where I want to be in life. I hope he maybe learned a lesson too, I doubt it, but you never know. It doesn’t really matter to me anyway.
Not when I know, that there are men out there that have some morals, that would never treat a woman the way he treated me that night. Someone that would think about my feelings before his needs or wants.
That is what I am holding out for. One day. Not right now…but eventually.
I know those men are out there…you just have to weed through the thistles first without getting pricked.
Happy hunting friends xoxox
