See No Evil (c) KC Saling, 2010
Today, I want to talk about a blogging lesson I’m still in the process of learning, because this is one I’ve really struggled with recently. Because despite the see-no-evil, hear-no-evil, speak-no-evil picture above, I try not to speak evil…but I’ve been known to speak. A lot.
When do you speak up?
I first started thinking about this when I read this excellent post from Betsy and this great post from Kristen, both talking about when to speak up when you read something that you have some kind of a problem with. Whatever that problem is, whether it’s the content or the opinion or even just the tone being expressed there…do you comment?
If the issue is controversial or touchy, and you know that taking one side or another will either offend some people or create negativity…do you comment?
Do you ever leave a negative comment?
Okay, despite being kind of vocal in making my opinions heard, I really do try to be respectful out here in the blogosphere. I do my very best to never leave negative comments. I completely stay away from harsh language and name-calling. There are plenty of ways to make a point, and flaming at someone never works. I believe the blogosphere is a place made as positive as it is by the support and encouragement we give each other as bloggers.
I have commented from time to time on controversial posts, but these have usually been issues I’ve taken to heart, issues it would feel wrong not to speak up in agreement about, but I’ve really spent time on those comments. And I’ve offered a comment from time to time on a post I’ve disagreed with.
I labor over those critical or non-concurrance comments, people. It’s ridiculous. I’ve spent over an hour crafting three-sentence comments, and even when I hit send, I still agonize over them. Am I going to offend someone, maybe a blogger I like and respect? Is it going to reflect negatively on me, as the one person who said, “Hey, hold on a second” amidst dozens of comments of praise and admiration? I’ve redacted some, and I’ve let others stand, and I’m still uncertain about the whole thing.
I’m very rarely at a loss for words in real life. Not the case in the blogosphere, but I suppose it’s appropriate that a lot of thought go into something you’re going to toss out there for people to see. Lots of people, if you’re lucky or unlucky. Like, forever. And yes, I just said “like.” Cringe away.
Figuring out when to speak your mind is definitely a challenge!
There are so many times where I really don’t think it’s worth the time and the energy to leave a comment that might start a fight. It might take more personal strength in the short run, especially if you’re looking at a post that makes you angry, but in the long run, it just might be better for all involved if you keep it to yourself.
There are other times where I look at whether or not that comment will impact me negatively. Did I just overstep my bounds with a blogger I like and respect? Is it worth impacting that relationship? Is it worth letting my readers or the other blogger’s readers see me publicly providing critique? Most of the time, the answer is no to that one, too.
I realize that other bloggers are trying to go out with their best foot forward, to be genuine but to be the best version of themselves that they can. For all the same reasons that I don’t want to go out on a limb and get negative feedback myself, I don’t want to inflict that on someone else. I want to be respectful of their space in the internet.
When I’m writing up an opinion that I know is counter to what the blogger meant or what the dozens of other commenters are saying, I feel like I’m getting ready to set off one of these:
Ordnance mission in Iraq (c) KC Saling, 2003
That’s mostly for the newcomers here – that’s what I used to do for a living before I became a marketing and media geek, and before I found safer ways to get my adrenaline fix.
All in all…how REAL do we want discussion to be on our blogs?
I’ve ready so many blogs where everyone proclaims that they want to start a discussion and that they love the dialogue that their blog inspires, but in so many cases, I don’t get the feeling that’s what they’re looking for at all. I don’t think a real discussion or dialogue would be welcome, because I see people apologizing for the most benign things! Or maybe they just seem benign to me. Maybe I’m running around like the proverbial bull in the china shop of blogland, offering my opinions and ideas where they’re not welcome.
I do know that you generally have to play by someone else’s rules if you’re in someone else’s space, so while I feel pretty comfortable stating my opinions on my little corner of the internet here, I’m not nearly as comfortable stating them off on someone else’s page. Hence the drama and trauma I’m facing here.
So what do you all think?
How REAL do you want the discussion to be on your blog? I’m not counting the name-callers and the truly immature, I’m talking about respectful disagreement or logically thought-out arguments. If you are a blogger who really wants opinions, how do you get them? If you feel like you need to speak up about something, what triggers that and how do you deal with it?
Here’s hoping all of you have had a great week so far, and wishing you a happy Thursday!