A good friend of mine is leaving town in a few days, moving far away. Will I ever see her again?
In the past, I’ve always been the one who left. I didn’t understand, when Adrian and I moved from Morehead, Kentucky to Ithaca, New York, why more of our friends didn’t come to say good-bye at the end. We had put aside one day for a “good-bye open house,” letting everyone in our community know about it. Why wouldn’t they want to see us off?
I’m just beginning to be able to see things from their point of view. When a friend leaves, and you’re pretty sure they’re never coming back, it’s too sad to celebrate with a drink and a hug.
As the person leaving, I was headed off to a new exciting life: I started the whole thing at 17 when I left home in New Jersey to fly 3000 miles to go to the University of Southern California. After that, I never stayed in one place for very long. Friends were made and left behind in California, New Jersey, Florida, Kentucky, and upstate New York.
How many best friends forever have I left behind?
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Sure, now that we have email and Facebook, we can reconnect with a lot of those old friends. But it’s not the same as sharing a meal, taking a walk, or watching our kids grow up.
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My friend talks excitedly about her new home, how it will have a separate guestroom and bath, and how much she wants me to come and visit. She is a seasoned traveler and is used to flying all over the world. I’m sure it doesn’t seem like that big a deal to her to fly across the country to see a friend.
I hope that means she’ll come back to Ithaca often. “I have a guestroom, too,” I tell her, “and you’re always welcome.”
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My family is scattered: California, Florida, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Illinois. When we have a family reunion every few years, I make a big effort to go so I can see as many of them as possible. Outside of that, we don’t get together very often.
As I get older, traveling is harder, so I know I’m probably not going to make that trip across country to see my friend in her new digs. Managing airports, long flights, or long drives in a car puts too much stress on my aging body and my anxious mind.
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I think it’s rare to find someone it’s easy to be with right from the start, with enough interest in the same activities to have a ready way to connect. My friend who is leaving is one of these people for me. I never had an awkward moment with her. We always found time for the two of us to get together, in spite of spouses and other commitments.
I’ll try to find another friend to put into her time slot, but there’s no way I can replace her.
