When I’m depressed, I hate all the happy people.
When I’m depressed, I have no friends.
When I’m depressed, everything I touch turns to shit. I can’t even take credit for this line because I heard it first from John, my first husband and biological father of my daughter.
I know I am way more competent than he ever was at surviving in this world without cutting ties to everyone who matters to you.
I will survive.
I will maintain my connection to family and friends.
I will go through whatever motions are necessary to get through the day.
But I will not hang out with the cheerful ones who find delight in the merest glint of sunlight.
I will not tell myself to buck up and smile and count my blessings.
I will let myself feel this dark feeling even if it includes self-pity.
I will understand the most important thing of all: this feeling will not last.
