Not everyone can socialize easily and there are quite a lot of us who find it difficult to get along with people or deal with social situations. What’s worse than the nervousness and anxiety that takes hold of us is how people completely misunderstand what we go through.
Keep in mind that these aren’t golden rules carved on stone. These are merely my opinions and they may vary from person to person.
For the socially awkward
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- Accept that it’s normal to feel the way you do
For quite a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. My friends were having fun at parties and they continue to love dressing up, going out and taking tons of pictures. I was never jealous of them but I was sad I couldn’t be ‘normal’ like them. Then I realized that the way I liked to live was normal too. I didn’t need to feel ashamed or worried that I wasn’t like them. I was me, and I managed being me.
Sometimes society lays out these rules and guidelines. We feel we need to follow them. You need to be straight, fall in love, get married, wear makeup if you are female, drink or smoke if you are male etc. but the system is flawed. It takes time to realize this but once you do, life becomes easier to live. Society can make rules but we aren’t obliged to follow all of them.
I’m young, I don’t wear makeup, I don’t go on dates, I don’t go for parties or concerts or most events my friends go to. I prefer spending Friday nights at home, reading or writing. This doesn’t make me weird or different.
When you accept this, it becomes easier to deal with your feelings and the people in your life.
- Find your own way to get rid of the fear and nervousness
When I have to socialize or just hang out with a crowd, I find that I pull at the skin around my nails or fight the urge to scratch the back of my elbows or knees or between my fingers and toes. Since this isn’t something I can do in public without making people worry about me, I usually focus on something in the room I’m in. If there’s a painting on a wall, I look at all the tiny details. Or I’ll make up stories for the people in the room. By distracting myself this way, I’ve found that while I lose track of the conversation I’m part of, I do feel less nervous.
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- Explain your feelings
Sure, it’s not something people understand. “Oh you are just shy. Come, I’ll introduce you to some people,” is what most say when you tell them you aren’t that good at handling group meet ups or family reunions. This only digs your grave even further because at some point, you will run out of excuses.
Why lie? Not being able to handle social situations isn’t something to be ashamed of. If your family or friends want you to attend a social gathering, explain to them how you feel about being around people. Don’t laugh it off saying, “I’m just a socially awkward penguin, you know. No biggie.”
Tell them the truth and tell them that you get very anxious when you are around people. Surely, if they love you, they will understand.
- Don’t build walls around yourself
It’s extremely easy to distance yourself from people. It doesn’t take a lot of effort to build walls around yourself. This, however, isn’t healthy. We all need friends to function in this world. Start small. You can avoid large social gatherings but this doesn’t mean you have to avoid your friends completely. If your friends always suggest meeting at parties, tell them you don’t feel comfortable at parties. Instead suggest meeting at a café or quiet restaurant instead.
I prefer meeting at a place I’m familiar with and go to often and I always prefer being there early. Most cafes and restaurants are intimidating so if I’m not familiar with a place, I ask a friend if I can meet him/her somewhere and go to the place together.
- Make friends with people you get along with
You may not like to admit it but the friends you make at school or university are often people you spend a lot of time with, rather than people you have a lot in common with. It was only once I left school and started working that I realized I had only a friend or two I actually got along with.
The friends I made at office are people who also read and who live in the stories they read. They are people who can’t be bothered pretending to be cool or happy. You grow up when you leave school and you learn that labels don’t matter. When you make friends you really get along with, it’s easier to deal with social situations and get out of the shell you live in.
- Be strong
As I type this, I keep reminding myself how hard it is to socialize. I’ve come very close to tears simply because I was frustrated by my inability to just talk with people. I’ve pretended to text someone just to seem like I’m busy and not avoiding people. I’ve pretended to have somewhere else to be just so I need not stop and chat with someone. I’ve hid in corners, praying no one will notice me. I’ve felt so angry with people who don’t understand that talking requires so much effort.
Know that, when you are blinking away tears and wishing you could just disappear, there’s someone else going through those same feelings. It’s not easy but you will get through it. It will drain you of all your energy but soon enough, you’ll go home, where you can be quiet and alone.
For those who aren’t socially awkward
- Know that we aren’t just shy
You wouldn’t believe the number of people who think I’m just shy or in a bad mood. It’s frustrating when people say things like, “You talk so much online, but you are shy in real life.” Know that it’s not easy being an introvert or asocial. Understand that people are different and that, for some, it’s not easy to talk with people.
- Stop forcing us to socialize
My job requires me to attend events. At these, the organizers force the attendees to chat while having tea or snacks. I usually explain I just had heavy lunch and sit in a corner but most of the time, especially if I know someone there, I’m forced into group conversations. This makes me even more nervous, anxious and frustrated.
If your friend looks uncomfortable at a social gathering, ask him/her what’s wrong. Make an attempt to make him/her join a group conversation. If it doesn’t work, leave your friend alone.
- Be patient
During most conversations, I have opinions I want to add. I keep quiet because the words get stuck in me and I can’t voice my thoughts. To make things worse, people interrupt me and so I now choose to remain quiet than get interrupted and misunderstood.
Be patient and wait until the person is done talking. Give them time to get their thoughts together and let them speak. However, don’t put them in the spotlight because that can be absolutely terrifying.
From http://images.christianpost.com/
Life is scary and people are scary. Socializing is a nightmare but that doesn’t mean you have to live in a bubble. Have a world you can escape to but accept that whether you like it or not, you have to live in a world where there are so many different people. You mayn’t be able to relate to all of them but with patience and some effort, you will be able to make them all feel welcome. Introverts, let’s unite. But we should all make an effort to ensure everyone is comfortable being who they are.
