When You Say Nothing at All

If my day hadn’t begun with a tea-sipping hiss-hiss sound, a 1950’s C grade song of a F grade movie, a wet floor, tremendous sound of utensils  and finally overhearing world’s most ridiculous gossips , I wouldn’t believe I am alive. No, I’m not talking about my wife. I’m a 33 year old  accountant  and I’m talking about  my 33 year old roommate, Iris. Do not ponder over his name as there are a lot of other unusual things that deserve more attention.  Unlike most Parsi families, Iris’ family is a huge one. It comprises of 67 people.  
They were much respected in the Parsi community. They had to be, I mean, one of their ancestors must have come to the rescue of decreasing population. Actually, I owe to that ancestor. If it wasn’t for him than I would have never met Iris and got a chance to attend their wonderful weddings and relish the awesome food. 
Iris was so attractive. He was a 5.3 feet 70 kg human, with most weight concentrated in the stomach and cheek region. Every child is fascinated by him. He would stand out in any crowd, like literally. He hated crowded places, which was one of the reasons as to why he didn’t travel by trains owing to which he was jobless since 3 years. He however used to manage money from somewhere to pay the house rent and survive.  I have never seen him sitting idle, he was much busier than a working man.
He used to get up at 7.30 sharp. He would heat water in the microwave , transfer it to his cup , insert a tea bag into it and see every particle dissolving into the water very carefully  and then begun hissing i.e sipping.  The hissing sound used to be so loud that my every day since 3 years commenced from that sound.  I would try to cover my ears with pillows when he would sing , “Dil se nikle paathar , daane …kahaan chale gaye koi na jaane. Jo dhund laye unhe wohi  insaan kehlaayeeeeee…….ee..ee…
Chuhe unhe lekaar aaye  yeh koi na mane isliye  anjaane pehchaane hain yeh rahein jo koi na peehchaane”….  
I never intended learning the lyrics. I came to know that I’d learn’t it when I unknowing heard a similar tune in the office and started singing this song. After listening to this song I used to forcibly get up only to feel the wet floor. Iris used to come out of the bathroom and soak his legs by walking around in house. Iris always used to enter the kitched with the view of cooking and never end up doing anything but making a lot of noise. Then he used to call up someone everyday and gossip about different issues like, “I think the cat in my building is a bisexual”.
I would think I’m dead and it’s my ghost that is moving around without the daily dose.In this post I’m describing that one day when I’d thought I was dead.
It was 2^nd of March, I had by now become conditional to the time of the hissing sound.  I woke up sharp at 7.53 but there was no hissing sound. I rubbed my ears for a minute but even the god-forsaken song wasn’t being heard. I rested my foot on the floor to get up and the floor too wasn’t wet.  I didn’t take a second to think , Iris is dead.  To reach the hall we had to pass by the kitchen and what I saw in the kitchen was like a rose in the desert… YES, I saw an omlette. I rushed to the hall and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Iris was sitting on the dining table eating the omlette and not gossiping. Now I thought I was dead. I looked at my refection on the granite edge of our kitchen, it was very much looking like me.
Iris must have sensed my fidget that he turned around . He glared at me silently as I walked towards the dining table.  I had never had such a steady and a long eye contact with anyone ever to an extent that I didn’t realize as to when the stare converted into a ‘who will blink first’ type competition or so it seems.
After a few minutes I realized that Iris could go on the whole day but I have to reach office on time. Breaking the silence, I said, “Iris, are you fine?’’
Iris simply smiled and nodded his head
I said, “I’m talking to you… hello… why were you staring at me?’’
Iris opened his mouth to say something , that raised my hopes of being in a normal atmosphere which shattered when he shut his mouth immediately.
“Iris?’’Not looking at me Iris said, “I was staring at you because you were staring at me.”
“Iris… look.. aa.. umm… are you fine? Look there’s nothing to worry about , you’ll get a job soon… if you need money or anything else, I’ll help you out.”
This time Iris smiled again and said nothing. 
Reaching the peak of my curiosity I said, “When you say nothing at all is when something goes terribly wrong.”
Iris smiled again. 
I said, “The last time you went silent was when a drunk cop was trying to jump off our balcony and you were clicking pictures of him.”
Iris finally broke his silence and said, “I wasn’t clicking pictures but taping him. You never get your facts straight.”
“If stating the facts wrongly is the only mode to break your silence then why not?”
“Relax, I’m practicing for a very important transformation in my life and I’m not disclosing the details.”
This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda