Our talk was about space in a marriage. Jared approached me about needing more space. I have always loved being around Jared. When we first met we took A LOT of time to get to know each other and yet made sure we still were very in touch with ourselves. We both valued our "me" time. He played guitar alone at home, went to band practice and watched those intense (aka boring) action films. I wrote a lot, studied for college, learned photoshop and watched boring (aka awesome) chick flicks. We had a hang out schedule. We hung out once during the week and on weekends for the first year we were together. It was weird to tell people that Tuesday night was the night I hung out with my boyfriend along with the weekends. It was weird to them that we had a schedule. To me it showed that we were important enough to one another to set aside time in our busy lives to just focus on each other. Those days were the best day of the week. We focused only on one another. We talked non-stop, took each other on dates and ultimately all night our focus never strayed. After that first year we slowly progressed to 2 days a week. After we hit a year and a half we were hanging out probably about 5 days a week. It seemed so strange to many that we'd been together over 2 years and we weren't used to seeing each other everyday. For Jared and I it was what worked. We needed to move slow and make sure that we were ready to make a commitment. I do consider it slower than most couples, but I don't regret it one bit. For the first year we were together. I was guaranteed butterflies every single Tuesday night. I knew that he was looking forward to seeing me that night and that he'd leave by 7 instead of 9. It was very romantic.
There is no rule book for marriage. You do what works. Each individual is different, so every marriage will be incredibly different. At some point after we sealed the deal and got hitched we stopped taking "me" time. I stopped learning photoshop and Jared stopped going to band practice. No more intense action films (aka slow and boring) for Jared and no more sappy (aka awesome and dumb) chick flicks for me. We started to get into a routine where we cam home every day and spent time in the same room, watching the same TV show but not enjoying every second of one another. I love seeing my handsome husband after work and you can ask my coworkers ,I adore everything J does and he can do no wrong in my eyes. That doesn't mean that I should give up my "me" time. On Saturday night when J confronted me asking if it would work for me if he planned a night once or twice a week to be with just his friends and take space from me... well at first I thought he wanted to get away from me and I teared up and my world glitched for a solid 3 seconds. Jared continued to explain that we need to do what works for our marriage. We need space from each other to let our marriage thrive, because our personalities both do best when we can rejuvenate with some "me" time. I really struggled with the thought for some reason. I don't know why it was so hard for me to grasp because we loved it while we were dating and it worked for us before we got married.
I still don't know why I struggle with the concept, because as much as he needs it, well so do I. I loved the times late at night in my apartments writing and learning. Those were times that I value. I used to have girls nights much more often, instead now it's a quick sushi dinner date with the girls. Space might be just what we need to get that spark sparked up brighter than ever!
I love the thought of Jared being more excited to see me because he has a story to tell me or an experience to share. That is exactly what happens for us when we allow one another that space. It enhances butterflies and helps enhance the time we spend together. No more nights with me on twitter and Jared on the iPad. More night of late hot tubbing and dinner for 2!
Have you ever made a point to take space from your partner?